Yesterday’s Podcast Was a Lie

Hi Caro, wow - that one sure was very brave! What can I tell you: I feel for you (and not only because I am gay, too). And you can be sure that I know, what you are going through. I know all about breakups, I can tell you that. But there is one thing, you can be absolutely sure about: It will take some time to get over the pain but there will come a day when life will return to normal. You are hurt now and feel devastated and this is very, very normal. Take your time to fight yourself through the pain. If you don\’t feel like working on your blog or your projects - don\’t do it. But DO NOT THROW EVERYTHING AWAY you have achieved so far!! Take it slow but keep on doing it. There is no sense in destroying everything. We are all just human. We have good days and bad days, we have our successes and our failures, we feel hurt and every once in a while we do hurt others. That\’s life - all of it and so much more. You have got holidays to come and have the chance to take your time licking your wounds. Do it. Feel very, very sorry for yourself - you deserve it. And then, one day, get up in the morning and start fighting your way back into life. If there is anything I can do for you - just send me a note. My good thoughts will be with you. All the best Kirsten

Caroline, having my well-wishes and knowing you are in my thoughts may seem pointless and trivial as well–which I would totally understand–but both are very true none the less and I wanted you to know that.

You may not need or want any words of encouragement right now, I probably wouldn’t, so just know that I’m betting you become stronger from all of this and no matter what direction you (and your blogging) eventually goes I’ll be following and cheering for you.

Caroline, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

Ever since you started this blog up I’ve been following your progress and it’s been both an inspiration and a great help to me. Even though you’re at an absolute low please don’t give up on your original ambition, but at the same time don’t push yourself into writing too soon.

Take the time out to gather your thoughts, I’ll keep checking my newsfeed and wait for you to come back.

Caroline - A very honest post, bet you were in two minds for a considerable time on whether to post this or not - but glad you did as I do like your honesty.

I think you need to take a break for a week or so, everything can and WILL wait - break off totally from blogging.

Then, next week get out your notebook and start planning - I too have started on Blog Mastermind and Teaching Sells - and haven’t started the latter - but it’ll all come together in the next few months.

You’re a great blogger and should continue doing what you do, but if that means a short break then I’ll be here to read about your progress when you get back.

As soon as I read this I felt compelled to comment (probably for the first time) - only I have

no idea what to say.

Ouch. Life sucks right now. It’ll probably suck about as much tomorrow, and the day after that.

However next week it’ll probably suck just a little less, and next month less still. So hang in

there.

Maybe in all this time where you feel like it’s all pointless and you can’t be arsed doing

anything, you should sit back and re-evaluate what exactly you want to do with your business,

and where you want to be in a few years time. Also a good time to fall back on your parents/family for support - that’s what they’re there for, don’t feel guilty about it.

As for subscribers dropping off:
1. You may find that letting a little more personal stuff creep in will actually help keep some

of your readers - they may be more personally/emotionally involved in you and your blog.
2. Given how quickly you initially raised your subscriber base do you really think it’ll take

more than a few months tops to do it again (if necessary)?

So… suck it up and get back to work :P just joking. In all seriousness however, when I

recently quit my 9-5 job to start my own business (similar story to yourself - tho I went from

programmer to pet supplies retailer) I admit I had grand dreams of doing something very similar

to you. I imagined I’d just start flipping good earning sites and blogging and make most of my

money that way. Yeah, well that didn’t happen (yet). For now what meager income I have is from

the retail business I leased to begin with, and the only online money I’ve made so far is from

the online shop I set-up to sell our stock.

It’s reading about people like you that give me hope that I may yet be able to one day make

enough income off the ‘net to be financially free.

Caroline,

I am so sorry to hear of the personal challenges you have had over the last month. I can only imagine the emotional ups and downs you have gone through.

Take a step back from everything as much as you can and focus on all of the positive things you have going for you. You have a lot to offer. Personally, I have found a sense of discovery and a willingness to try new things in nearly all of your posts. Believe me, there are many people who would like to have the personal strength and conviction to take the risks you have taken the last few months. Take pride in that and use it to help you move forward.

Take a break from the blogging if that’s what you feel you need to do. There will be plenty of time to do that in the future. If you are close with your family, or have good friends ask them to help you. There’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to go through all of this alone.

The answers will come to you in time, don’t try to force things. Just focus on getting well day-to-day and the rest will take care of itself.

I will be thinking of you and sending all of the positive thoughts I can your way.

C -

Something similar happened to me and it took a long time before I could really relate to someone again.

But when I did I met my future spouse.

Keep on keeping on.

Caroline, first of all I’m sorry to hear about the tough time you’ve had. There’s not much I, or anyone, can say to make you feel better, but suffice to say I’m sure you have lots of people wishing you good things.

As for the blog, don’t worry about it. A blog is always a personal voice, and that means you can talk about whatever you want. What makes it unique is your voice - so carry on speaking with your voice.

Caroline:

This is your blog, your property, and you write about whatever you want to write about.

Despite your personal situation and how you feel about that, the fact remains that you’ve written a large amount of helpful, dynamite material that been very useful to me. I suspect that it’s been valuable to quite a few other people. You’ve made a difference in other people’s lives and in the way that they think.

However, if your heart’s not in writing what you’ve been writing to date, either in the short term or long term, then you have to do what seems right to you.

The most important thing, though, is for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Changing your focus, taking a break, or whatever else is necessary, is far, far better than not having a Caroline Middlebrook in this world or than Caroline Middlebrook being miserable with what she’s doing.

There are many people who have gone through dark times and emerged stronger for it. Although these times are never quite the same for each individual, my own personal experience has showed that time, patience, persistance, and support can work miracles.

Do what you need to do. If you still feel like writing later on, I’ll be waiting to see what comes next.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been dealing with, Caroline, but I applaud your honesty. Most of us can relate to having periods where the “real” stuff of life absolutely clobbers any interest in things like internet work and etiquette.

Be gentle with yourself. The internet isn’t going anywhere. :)

Kris

Your sexuality doesn’t matter one bit - you’re dealing with the immediate aftermath of a break-up, and that’s always tough. Most of us have been there. I find that the best way to deal with anyone who has made me feel this way is to ignore them, and to simply maintain a polite front when I do have to have anything to do with them - to do anything else is to award them an importance that they probably don’t deserve. I KNOW this is harder than I’m making it sound - [writes 'personal bit' for illustration then loses bottle and deletes it] - but it can be done. Make a conscious effort initially, and before too long it will come naturally.

There is a temptation to show the other party up ‘for what they really are’, but in my experience there’s no need. In time, they’ll usually do that for themselves without you having show up with the muck rubbed off on you.

What I’m trying to say (badly) is that this is bound to chew bits of your brain up for a bit. I think that you’re worth more than letting it get chewed up too much, for too long though.

I hope the days start to get better for you soon.

Hello Caroline.

I’m sorry to hear such a long relationship has passed. It will take time to heal, so do what you need to to keep on keeping on. It’s tough. I still haven’t healed fully from an old relationship, but I still press on because it’s all we really can do. Best wishes to you.

honestly I felt most of your excuses were made up. You were (are) a rising blog star. With hard work, as you have done in the past, you will continue on you fantastic journey of building a successful-money making-blog.

Keep being honest. You could have blogged about anything and people would have read it. But, not being honest, especially with those who are faithful readers (such as myself), doesn’t work with your blog format.

I will not unsubscribe, I think your great. Don’t worry about being a gay person. No big deal. I am not gay, but I watch movies and TV that have gay characters and I don’t leave the theater or turn the channel. No biggie, really. I kind of thought you were gay anyway, you never mentioned your significant other in terms of gender before, that is the first give away.

Lets get back to business!!! If you worked a 9 to 5 your bosses wouldn’t accept you not doing your work. Life goes on… Your bosses know are those who read your blog. Eventually, if you keep up the pace, we will be clicking, buying, and advertising on your site, thus giving you bucks to spend and live on.

Take care.

I listened to your podcast yesterday and remember thinking, “Hmmm, I don’t know her but through the blog, but she sure sounds like her heart isn’t in it when she mentions those plans.” How transparent we are as human beings - true enough, your heart was anywhere but in it. Sorry to hear of your loss, because truly that’s what this is, and loss just plain hurts. I hope you grab this situation and embrace it for all it’s worth - meaning, use it to look deeply into your heart and explore what’s really important — blogging and otherwise. I’m overwhelmed with all I’ve jumped into (Teaching Sells, etc.) and I’m not in the midst of loss and shock, so I can hardly imagine how difficult this time is for you. In the long run, I hope you take every precious day you need to get back to the peace in your soul. Scream, shout, weep, scream again, and just be fully human. The blogging world will wait. There is no rush. All will be well.
Warmly,
Erica

You have every reason to be overwhelmingly upset and unhappy right now. Sudden betrayals (of any kind) are devastating. Your first priority has to be to take care of yourself.

Don’t throw away everything you’ve done, though! You are a fine blogger — great content and an elegant style. When you’re ready, come back and blog again. I, for one, will be waiting to hear from you.

That took alot of guts. And I respect what you have done. I did not know anything about you until I saw this post in my “What’s New” page in Stumble, but I am sorry that you are going through heartache and drama. I know it all too well. Hang in there (easier said than done) What doesn’t kill you makes you a much stronger human bring. I wish you the best.

Remember its Christmas - the season of boozing and shopping so unless your blogs are about those 2 topics I think readers/subscribers will tend to drop now anyway. Come the new year though you will get all the new year challenger’s -so this probably a just about perfect time to take a several weeks off! The americans may work Xmas/NY but I can assure you no one in Australia or NZ will be!
I think your honesty is what gives you and this blog a “point of difference” - I too am intrinsically honest - it was the bane of my life working in corporate IT, and when it comes down to it, why I decided to quit before I was fired - I was a bit slow I thought for 10 years when they asked me for my professional opinion they wanted my honest one! I too have been looking into Bum marketing etc and one of things I was really uncomfortable with was the idea that most article writers use a pseudonym - now sometimes this as a good idea for a number of reasons - but I get the impression that the reason you “should” do it in bum marketing is to hide - and that made me feel bad!
So yes I think some of the stuff the “professional bloggers” is a little on the dodgy side - I don’t know - it just doesn’t feel right. There are other ways though and I haven’t given up yet - I don’t think all of internet marketing is bad - I just think there is a level of crap you have to work thru and avoid. I suspect your ability to write and your integrity will see you succeed - and as you have discovered you can’t ignore your integrity - even though sometimes it would be nice too! Hang in their girl!

I’ve been wondering whether something like this had happened. Things just did not sound right. I thought that’s what the podcast was going to be about.

My boyfriend of 15 years broke up with me a year ago this week, in a particularly cowardly and indirect way which left me angry as well as hurt for months afterwards. It took about 6 months for me to be able to accept that in fact it was time for us to part. A few months ago I met someone else really amazing and we are feeling our way towards a LTR which I think has the potential to be much better than what would have existed now (or in fact had ever existed) if my ex and I had not parted.

So, hang in there. Try not to burn bridges with the other parties concerned, but do what you need to do to protect yourself and be yourself. Life will again be worthwhile, interesting, fun, joyful.

hugs

Kevin

Thank you for being up front.

I feel the same about the manipulation that internet marketers end up participating in.

Hold on to your ethics and be yourself always, it is the way I keep on top of all the crap that some spout (and these are people that in other ways I respect).

There has got to be something out there for truth telling women like us out there….maybe a project in the future if you are interested? :)

This experience will probably make you harder, try not to become so brittle that you cut people around you…unless you really want to.

Hang in there Caro. I think you are very brave and agree that with real life problems, it makes all this internet stuff look like nonsense.

I hope you keep the blog up because I read every post and enjoy them very much!

Hi Caroline,

I guess like all the other commenters I feel that I don’t know what to say and that this is a pretty cold medium to try and communicate love and support.

The reason why marketing and business feel so trivial is because they are. I think all of us care about relationships more than other stuff (I pity those who don’t if there are any).

This may not be the ‘best’ post you’ve written (though I think it is) but it is certainly the most important. Blogging and business are all about real life. So much of the hypey stuff leaves this out. Putting this out there is very important I think - at a more trivial level ProBlogger put up a post on unhealthy eating that I think was valuable too.

I hope you get the time, space and support you need to think through ‘where to from here’. Whether it leads to a new direction, or renewed commitment to your present direction in a somewhat different way, I’d like to hear.

Sending you as much love as I can this way.

Evan

I think the comments here say it all, Caroline. There’s a good bunch of people here who respect what you have done so far with your blog - a ‘rising star’ someone said. Unfortunately the predictable stages of grief have to be dealt with before you’ll feel able to pick up and move forward at a time you get to the acceptance stage. You sound angry now which is a good sign.

Your honest take on this whole internet business has been a refreshing change and I for one, hope you will not abandon what you have started.

Caroline, I am very sorry to hear about your break up. The best thing you did was get it out and this post did just that, and I’m sure it made you feel a whole lot better. You will over come this it will just take time, I am glad to see you back though. You even took the time to answer my questions during your ordeal and that makes me respect you even more. Check out my blog sometime and I’ll show you what it is like living in a dysfunctional family for sure.

You were very brave to publish this and hope you work your way back to into this!

Hi Caroline,

Like many have written before me, I’m so sorry for what happened and that you’re hurting. The fact you came back to tell us exactly what is going on is an act of courage — this makes you even “more special.”

You’re in a league of your own, one that puts honesty and integrity before profit. But I’m sure once you’ve let some water flow under the proverbial bridge, once you’ve spent a few days or weeks or whatever it takes for you to exorcise this pain you’re feeling…then, little by little, one step at a time, one day at a time, you’ll pick up where you left off and all will go well. We will still be here with you — and for you — as we are now.

I think the same as you do when it comes to the whole internet marketing racket. I’ve been turned on and off by it so many times in the past two years that I should have had a short circuit by now. LOL But like you, I believe there’s a place for people such as you and me and many others who get nauseous when they see a sales page. We must work according to how we see our own personal businesses, focus on the good side of internet marketing possibilities, and erase the sleazy side of it from our thoughts. After all, the web is a reflection of the real world…so please remain a part of it as we need all the good people we can get.

I’m keeping you in my heart…with an extra firm hold.
So if your body feels a bit squished, that would be
my doing. But it’s done out of love. :-)

Big Hugs and Healing Light,
Mudd a.k.a. Oza
xoxo

P.S.: And yeah, I’ve been through some serious crap — huge depression and waking up each morning with death on my mind. But as they say, “This too shall pass.” And that, ma belle amie, is the simple truth. Please seek professional help if you find life is too hard to bear. If ever you need to talk, I’m here for you.

Hi Caroline.

I fully support you and hope to hell you keep blogging. Thanks for being honest.

It seems like this is almost like an opportunity for you to do something really special with your blog. It’s like now you have put yourself out there totally and have nothing to hide.

Keep on blogging, please! I need to keep hearing your message.

Oh, Caroline, I am so so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. My boyfriend and I broke up a few years ago and as much as I couldn’t stand him, it was like well this is cute…maybe I did love him after all. We ended up getting back together but it’s not a bed of roses, believe me.

Sometimes it’s hard to face the fact that certain people come into our lives for distinct reasons. Think of your life as a play. All of the people in your life are the supporting actors and you are the star. Now, how do you want that play to end?

Don’t mind me…I was a relationship so-called expert for years before I started my book publicity agency. Even as much as you despise your girlfriend and this other girl, and you will have pain for awhile (who doesn’t?), but one day you’re going to sit down and say, “Oh. Okay, I know why she came into my life. She came into my life for me to learn _______ in order to find my higher self.” Fill in the blank. People you love don’t just walk into your lives. They are there for REASONS. It’s up to you to find out what that reason is. ;o)

BTW, I would never unsubscribe. I’ve been enjoying your blog feed for awhile now and hope that it continues, but you know what…one more thing. There are three stages of break-up.

1. You are hurt

2. You are mad.

3. You don’t give a damn.

Get to that last stage, remember that you are the queen of your life, and find things in your life that will make you happy. ;o)

You know what? Bollocks to what you ’should’ be doing as an internet marketing blogger. Blogs are people if they’re anything. If your subscriber base drops to one per cent of what it was before, that’ll be because only one per cent of your readers were worth having. But I don’t think it will.

Break-ups are horrible, and they keep on hurting just as painfully, for years. But the key thing is, they hurt less often as time passes. Eventually, you’ll be able to go whole days at a time without feeling it, and that will be the time to start thinking about work instead.

In the meantime, I recommend a warm duvet, Green & Black’s hot chocolate, and your family. Hibernate - a hundred thousand brown bears can’t be wrong, after all. :o)

Caroline…Life is worth living. Don’t drop out of the race. You are so valuable to the world no matter what your sexuality is or isn’t. J
Just take your time and cry, cry and cry some more but when you’re finished grieving your loss, do us all the honors and get back into the game of life the best way can on your blog.

The last time I looked, the name of this blog is Caroline Middlebrook not make money. It’s your style that your readers like not just the subject matter. Your honesty is what rules which is why most people read to the bitter end of this particular post.

You can change the direction of this ship anytime you want.

Big hugs. Deep breath and one day at a time - just look after yourself, ok?

Wow…poignant…

Sending my best.

Dear Caroline -

I know this sounds trite but -

THIS TOO WILL PASS!

My boyfriend turned me down and married his cleaning woman. After a seven year year investment..

Somtimes, we are just too much for ordinary people.

Do you remember Maureen Dowd of the New York Times comment when she won the Pulitzer?

She said, I’ll never get a date again!”

Concentrate on taking care of Caroline. She is important to her own life and to the world.

Warm wishes,

Corinne

Wow Caroline, that was one intense post…but you know what? I appreciate your honesty and looking over these 20+ comments, your other readers do too.

I know your head is all cloudy right now…but hang in there because time heals.

You’re a great blogger and a great internet marketer…in fact, your blog was THE inspiration behind me starting my own blog.

Take 2 weeks off and clear your head. The blogging community wouldn’t be the same without you :-)

-Ryan

Hi Caroline
Like some of the other commentors, I listened to your podcast yesterday and thought something just doesn’t add up. Your voice was so despondent although you were obviously trying to force yourself to be positive.

This post was raw and painful, but it is also a step toward reclaiming your authentic self. You’ve always been an honest and forthcoming person in your blog - I think this post was your first step toward healing and reclaiming your life and your self.

Kudos for you for not signing some lousy “non-disclosure agreement” over something that other people did to you. I’ve been through it, and it hurts, and it feels better to share your pain and the unfairness of it with others - then you can move forward.

And you will move forward. Life will start having meaning again. Even blogging will start having meaning again. It’s not about the money and the tricks and the stats, it’s about the connections you’ve been making, the relationships you’ve been forming, and all the ways that you have been growing from the process.

Be patient with yourself and trust in the future.

Take care

Hi Caroline,

I don’t think your podcast was a “total lie”. I believe you described a sudden illness 4-weeks back. Any of us who have been through a break up would probably agree that it can feel much, much worse than being sick.

But, time is a great healer (as much as that probably doesn’t help Right Now, it is the truth).

As for your blog …

This is just a guess, but I’m willing to bet that sometime in the very near future, this post will actually allow you to break-out, and have even greater success.

You’ve already proven that you’re a talented writer, with ideas that people Want to read about. There’s no reason at all that you can’t continue to spread the word, in an honest and ethical manner.

… when you feel up to it.

I’m sure I’m not alone in wishing you a speedy recovery. I look forward to your return.

Caroline, you have my deepest sympathy for what you are going through. I have had my share of broken relationships so I really sympathize.

I also sympathize with your struggles to figure out your business model on the internet. There are so many different business models that it’s hard to figure out what would fit you best.

I hope you don’t give up on this blog. I always enjoy your honesty. Don’t worry if you don’t feel like posting regularly. Just post when you want to.

Don’t worry about your subscriber numbers. They will go up and down anyway. Just take the time you need to figure out what you want to do. If you post about your search for an internet business model, I’m sure that will interest a lot of people too (myself included).

Also remember that starting a business takes time to get it off the ground. Just keep doing little things when you feel like it. It will add up. Don’t push yourself too hard. :)

I wish you all the best…

Pat

Caroline,

You’re a very talented woman and I sure hope you don’t let this issue throw all of your hard work to waste.

It is something that I’m sure is extremely painful, but as others said above, although it may not seem like it, it will pass and life will get back to normal.

I know this IM thing is the last thing you want to think about, but you’re a very good marketer!!

I’ve seen MANY people come and go in this industry. If you stick with it I know you’ll be one that goes above and beyond.

I honestly hope everything works out for you. Just hang in there and eventually it will get better!

Hi Caroline,

You’d be surprised that many of your readers are invested in not just what you do, but who you are. So yes, the tide of subscribers may ebb and flow, and crap hits the fan and throws you to the gutter, but all you have to hold on to is You. Your honesty is a refreshing change, and there are many readers, including myself, who care a lot about you and want nothing but for you to succeed and see your way through this and the other trials life holds.

So yes, darling, bollocks to that, and cheers to you. Much love from San Francisco.

Caroline, I was just contemplating unsubscribing from your blog when I read this post. I am sorry for your loss, 10 years is a long time & it will take a while to get over. But you will & you will be stronger & wiser & your heart will open again because of that!
Your recent experience brings me to my own blog. I post only once a week, on a Sunday. My blog is on the theme of relationships & I am a certificated coach & an astrologer. Relationships are my passion & therefore I have been leveraged as a ‘relationship expert’. I see a great need for this wisdom in our fast paced, technological world because we are all still human. We all need other people & we are expected to handle our relationships with others with no skills or knowledge. It is meant to come naturally, however it has been my experience & my clients that getting smart about relating is helpful. It can’t take away the pain that you & others undergo when we hit challenges but it can help you see that having your heart broken is part of a process that us human beans go through to get wiser!
I also believe that everything in life needs a touch of humor & so pepper my posts with a bit of light hearted fun & laughs. I invite you to have a read of some of my posts - you may not laugh at the moment, but you may learn some stuff that may ease the hurt.
Wish you all the best
Pemo

Caroline,

I read your post earlier today and until now just didn’t know what to say. There weren’t any comments at the time, so I’m glad to see many people have commented.

I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! I subscribed to your blog because you are an inspiration to me, and obviously to many others. I have a lot to learn about using keywords and all that great SEO stuff, and I’m trying to learn from you.

Please do not lose heart and don’t give up.

I don’t give a rats ass about your orientation. You can be pink, blue, green, white or black, polka dot, straight or gay. I don’t care about that.

Take whatever time you need, just don’t give up. I’ll be waiting for you.

Remember your Mum used to tell you that “honesty is the best policy”? It wasn’t all bullshit … this will do you no real harm (anybody that leaves here now was probably going to anyway) and the personal viewpoint is what makes blogging the powerful medium it is. To me, this makes you more real, and more interesting, not less.
Take it easy for a while if you need to - your feed is still in the reader so I’ll notice when you’re back into it!

Sorry you’re having to go through this. I went through something quite similar five years ago with my husband and the father of my three children. The pain of betrayal is like no other.

But it will get better. Hang in there. I will stay subscribed. Because I know you will be back - and better than ever.

Jesus! Caroline, when you go for it you go for it big. That was an extremely brave thing to do especially since you’ve built up such a following.

You need to find something just now to ‘give a shit’ about, either your family or the blogging. Right now the blogging could get you through this, it might take your focus off your problems. We have all read your blog and thought it was great which means you are a good writer and have something that we want to read.

I hope you pull through this Caroline, it’ll be scary as hell but well worth it.

Steve (still not going to unsubscribe)

It’s sad to see something like that happen after 10 years together, and I can’t say I blame you for wanting to save some face. This is your blog and it’s a business blog (from what I can tell - first time here), so why should you air your personal issues on it. I can see why you finally decided to, too. I think it’s crap that your now-ex made the split via email. After 10 years, I would think you deserve something more personal than that.

In any case, don’t do anything stupid again and keep your head on your shoulders… Things will look up and you’ll move past this.

hey caroline,

like you said, life has it’s share of good days and bad days. you’re going through a bout of bad days, but don’t overestimate how long it’s gonna be. from personal experience, getting out of a relationship can make life seem very bleak (and i’ve never even been in a 2 year one, so i can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now). don’t let the bleakness fool you into believing that’s your future, because it’s not. you’re already on your way up, and very soon, life’s gonna be pretty again. your wounds may take time to heal (mine sure did…and i’m still not sure if i’ve healed completely yet), but much before that, you’ll stop letting your recent past colour your distant future. just focus on the positive, (i guess i’m the 20th person saying that) and it will happen by itself.

all the best :)

Hi Caroline,

Been subscribed to your blog for a couple of months, thanks for all you’ve written so far. This posting is your best post so far (think about that)!

Really sorry to learn of anyone having to go through such heart ache, that sucks Caroline, and although I doubt we’ll ever meet, I do feel for you mate.

All of this tinterweb malarkey, yes very superficial and mostly pointless but just because ‘work’ has become less tangible of the years does not mean what you do does not matter.

Be cool Caroline. Take it easy,

James x

Hi, still with you.

I wish you well. I haven’t any wise words but having had a hard year with some very dark days I feel I know the place you in. Hope you get out of there very soon.

All the best

The last post, didn’t sound very helpful. I drop in to your blog every so often and it has made a difference to me and I am sure it has to lots of others. At the moment I am sure the blog is not a priority and we all understand.

Hi Caroline,

There are a lot of wise words in the above comments and I’m not sure what else I can add to make you feel better.

Hang in there. It will take time to heal. Surround yourself with family and friends; the people who love you.

Regarding your excellent blog, take some time out, I for one won’t be leaving.

Take care,

Nigel.

Sorry to hear you feel bad and I understand it.

Do not forget the sea is plenty of fish! :D

I hope you find someone who will love you.

Francesco

Brave post and i commen you for writing it. Plenty of fish in the sea comments (sorry Francesco) aren`t worht shit, it doesn`t help at all hearing that tripe. Fact is it sucks when you get hurt and the gut wrentching pain inside over rules every other rational thought society expects you to have.

Take time away, do what you need to do, i look forward to readong more if you decide to continue, if not, then i wish you the best in anything and everything you embrace.

I’ve said it before …you have a voice that reveals a wonderfully honest, sincere and open individual behind it and that is so so RARE on the internet. Maybe you should continue but not in “marketing”…there are many many other ways to make money on the internet and as you say…so much of it is scammy it makes you (me) want to hurl.
You don’t have to talk about making money in order to make money. If people really know secrets to making money, do you really think they are going to tell anyone else? If they did they would be doing it themselves and keeping their secrets to themselves.
All the best
Charles

Many other people have sent you the good wishes I would send, so I’m going to focus on something else. You wrote:

“So much of Internet marketing gives me bad vibes. Facebook marketing, long sales letters, “the moneys is in the list”, sales funnels blah blah. When I was 19 I started a business - I provided a good service, I charged a fair price for it, everybody was happy. Simple. With the Internet good old fashioned business seems to have gone out of the window.”

I have similar thoughts, and it’s getting in my way as I try & develop my business. I’m beginning to realise that I don’t want to sell people “products about making money online by selling people products about making money online by selling people products about making money online by selling people …” ad infinitum.

Perhaps you need to readjust your sights a little, and return to the type of business you described above, about a good service at a fair price. How about developing targeted sites which sell real products as an affiliate?

IIRC you read Lynn Terry’s blog too: What I have in mind is something like her darts supplies site. This would leverage the Internet skills you’ve developed, without giving you that “not quite clean” feeling that IM products can leave behind.

Oh, one last thing … you sound like a sensible person, so I assume you’re doing this anyway but just in case. I take it that “did something I shouldn’t have” refers to a suicide attempt. Please … be sure that you’re talking with someone; a therapist, a counselor, a psychologist.

I know that the British can be resistant to mental health counseling (I grew up in England, but moved to the US for graduate school and stayed there) … however, it can quite literally be the difference between life & death.

Good luck as you move forward … it sounds like you have a family that’s prepared to be supportive, and I trust that you’ll grow stronger as the weeks go on.

Caroline this is my first ever comment on your blog. I’ve followed your posts from the 30 DC, Twitter and your blog because you have strength and character that many wish for but never achieve.

Life sets us challenges - it’s how we get around them that matters. Take deep breathes and deal with the challenges one day at a time and you will survive and probably be the stonger for it.

I’m sorry you are hurting but you can see from the replies that you have many concerned friends who care nothing about your sexual preferences and most certainly will continue to follow you on your blogging journey. The first step is to focus on your own needs - we’ll stilll be here when you get back!

Best Wishes

Bill

Caroline,

You need to understand one thing, it does NOT matter, whether you are gay or not! Let’s face it, in a world were all are equal who cares of what sex we are, what race we are or whether we are rich or poor.

What MATTERS is that YOU heal and that will take time!

I have been going through some tough shit in my life (not with relationships but a lot of other things) I was right down in the dumps, depressed for many month and nothing mattered.

Then I believed what is the point of living, but the point is that there ARE a LOT of people in this world who don’t know you, but respect you and love you for what you are!

Please do never forget this!

Now, nothing matters except maybe your family to you. You probably don’t care about your health and self sabotage as much as you can. You fell of what’s the point of living? And it is easy to forget those who care. We are here in this world to love and be loved and when this love i ripped from our heart, then nothing else matters.

As much as this sounds cheesy right now to you, time will heal your wounds somewhat. That is a promise!

Everything else can wait. Do what is right for you and don’t worry about anything else. Scream, cry, get drunk or do whatever you want.

It is all part of the healing process and you will come out on the other end - YOU ARE a strong person!

Peace to you and please take care, I’m not going anywhere soon.

Caroline - words from a stranger or anyone cannot do much in a situation like this. I know because I had a partner who threw away our family for a fantasy after almost 20 years - I’m straight and you’re gay - so what - different facts but the same truth - I’m glad you didn’t continue keeping it a secret - that must have been so very terrible in and of itself - keep posting, & let people who really care about you try to help however they can, don’t turn your anger on yourself - (if you found someone who had been sideswiped by a vehicle lying broken and bloody on the road you would be tender and help them - do the same for yourself)

sincerely, Megan

Caroline,

I came here to actually post a link showing that you were on the Twitter blog sidebar to congratulate you, but obviously that news doesn’t really mean as much right now. Your blog is not only raw and honest, but helps a lot of other people in ways you may not realize. Think of all the twitter newbies who learned so much from your Twitter guide. Think of all the people who benefit from you sharing your journey, whether it be the internet marketing journey, or the personal journey.

Your post today really inspired me, and I feel that you will recover from this setback and be stronger. Take whatever time you need to recover, and know that lots of people’s thoughts and prayers are with you.

I did not listen to your podcast, I usually never look at video or listen to audio posts. You obviously went through a tough time and you wanted to keep your personal life away from your blog; that’s understandable. You need to think of your priorities: what is more important: your own life of your blog?
You let out a bit of steam here, that is good: what you need now is a holiday, try not to think about your blog for a while. Write a very nasty, bitchy piece about your ex-girlfriend (don’t publish it!) and enjoy yourself not worrying about work for a while. Talk to your family and (real) friends. When you are ready, you can either come back to your blog or, if you feel sick about it, get a job.
Everything you have in this blog can be used to write one big book or maybe several smaller e-books that will sell like hot cakes on ebay.
I bet this post you just wrote will be the one attracting most comments. We love you, Caroline!

Just wanted to add my support to the list of well-wishers. You are in my prayers.

Caroline, I have always felt that your voice comes across in this blog as one of a real person, which is one of the reasons I read and respect what you write. Real people have real lives and real pain :(

I was really shocked and saddened to hear that you are going through such rough time. Using your blog to put those feelings in writing seems to be entirely appropriate and in such times you just have to do what you have to do to get through them.

Stay safe and know that a lot of people are thinking about you.

Kate x

Caroline,
Take the time you need to heal, and know we’ll be waiting for you when you get back. I’ll hold you in my thoughts until then.
Joann

Caroline,

I’m a very new visitor to your blog (and follower on twitter), but I found this such a touching post that I had to leave you a comment…

Being dumped on by someone you’ve opened your heart to hurts no matter whether they’re man, woman or alien (although I am assuming 2 of those!).

At the end of the day, if it could happen, it almost certainly would happen. If not now, then in a year, or two, or five years time. Better to have it over and done with so that you can move on.

Now you can begin to build a life without this destructive event looming in your future (even if you didn’t know it was looming). Your free of it, it’s behind you, and the experiences you take forward from having survived it make you a better person, much more likely to have better relationships in the future.

And wow, look at all these comments. It’s almost enough to give one faith in human nature again isn’t it. All these people with nothing to gain, taking the time to share the hurt with you and help lift you up. That doesn’t just happen by magic. That’s a measure of you and a reflection of how you’ve touched their lives :)

Finally, the future. Well it looks to me like you’ve got a clean slate all round. You’ve enough gumption to have taken on a big challenge in the first place. Now life’s kicked you in the unmentionables in an effort to teach you to “Know your place woman”, but from even the little I’ve read of your blogging, I don’t believe you’re going to give up.

The spark inside you that set you on this course is still glowing. It’s yours and no-one else’s. Keep blowing it gently, each day a little more, and the fire that got you here will keep you moving forward.

I’m eager to read more about your journey, and if you keep at it, maybe I’ll get my head out of my arse and do some proper blogging of my own one day :)

Here’s to the future.

Caroline

I’m in that group that have been following your blog for a couple of months and occasionally comment on your posts. Although your blog is one of many many feeds that have yours somehow stands out above a lot of the others that are run of the mill.

Keep on keeping on, but in your own time.
I for one will still read your posts when you are ready.

By the way, gay, straight or whatever, doesn’t cross my mind, we are all the same deep down … we all need love, trust and commitment.

Take care of yourself
Paul

Caroline,

That was an incredibly brave post and could only be written by someone who isn’t going to let this beat her.

You are obviously a strong women (although you may not feel like it) and this post proves it. Letting it out was the best thing to do and an important step for dealing with your pain.

It’s a huge thing to go through, take your time and just put one foot in front of the other (so to speak) - that’s what I did.

Caroline, hope it’s not weird for me to comment here since I’ve only poked my nose into your blog once or twice, but I wanted to add another voice of support and encouragement.

I love what Andy said: “Blogs are people if they’re anything. If your subscriber base drops to one per cent of what it was before, that’ll be because only one per cent of your readers were worth having. But I don’t think it will.” I think that’s right on.

I wouldn’t wish this kind of emotional pain on anyone, but I think you will find some seeds of great things. Let yourself be sick, let yourself be broken, give it some time to heal. When you do, I think you will find some insights not just about your personal life but about the professional things you’re after as well.

Almost everyone in “professional” life is closeted about something. I’m not just talking about orientation, but about other stuff too–like your feelings about FB or long-form sales letters. Coming out releases a lot of energy for positive things to happen.

Does that mean “everything works out for the best?” Of course not–we all know that there are many times on this poor fractured planet when things work out for the horriblest. But I think you will come through this with new strength and a new focus on what truly matters to you, and I suspect that will change your life in amazing ways.

Best to you, and sorry again–I hope you don’t feel like it’s odd to have this complete stranger trying to give you heart advice.

Hi Caroline,

My heart goes out to you ten fold. I have been overwhelmed with some of my own challenges lately so am not as present as I have been in the past with our community :-(

When I read your honest post, I see someone who is understandably hurt, angry and confused. And all of that is completely natural to feel.

I encourage you to keep the focus of where you want to move towards, and then not rush it - as in do not try and repress how you feel or make it wrong, or rush it.

When I went through a major relationship break-up, I think the best thing I did in retrospect was just allow myself to cry - and cry I did for 3 months every day (and I am not a ‘crier’ by nature) - and because of that, I did not get sick physically, mentally or emotionally, and I slowly began to heal.

So that may work for you - it may not.

Be kind to yourself. Life does throw some ugly things at us from time to time - I think its to test what we’re made of - as we then have the choice of how we are going to respond to it, as it offers the opportunity of how we will create our life moving forward (and sometimes change is forced on us to create something even better for us).

Your former partner’s love may be real for another, it may not. I would offer that the fact she has allowed herself to be attracted to another means that she was in fact energetically separating from you anyway, and that that was beyond your control.

Caroline - nothing will make you feel better right now. So just be. And as part of that being - be kind to yourself. Love and nurture yourself. Surround yourself by people that do love you for who you are - your family, friends, and there is a lot of love in this community - even though our entry point is the professional side.

I took a year to fully heal from a past relationship - and I hated that it was taking so long - and I came out so much stronger within myself because of it - stronger in a good, loving way without bitterness towards my ex partner or men in general (men are wonderful, love is wonderful!) as I knew that I would be hurting myself more if I allowed my pain to rule my life and how I showed up in it.

You might take 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 3 years - whatever length of time it takes does not matter - the key is to also make a choice to move towards creating a beautiful fulfilled life for you - even if you are feeling like you may be limping towards it - at least you are moving forwards!

As for sexual preference - my best friend from school days is happily married to her wife and they have the most beautiful, loving relationship - and I see them as a shining light to what relationships are all about whatever the gender combination - giving love to each other and wanting to make the other happy.

And if you have one or both that do not have that same intention - then it is about being that yourself and trusting you will eventually attract the same back.

As for the ’sales letter’ comments - we are in direct marketing - it’s not the pretty or elegant side of online commerce, because well, it’s direct (just like direct speaking has no puffery). Black hat techniques are not taught widely and we have not been exposed to them via the 30DC. Personally I wouldn’t have the faintest idea what one was if I fell over it.

And you may come to the point where you decide direct marketing is not for you. That you would rather sell a physical product via a more shopping cart type website…and that’s fine.

Like with the real world - there are many ways to make money online. And just like with the real world - some of those ways appeal to us more than others. The challenge is not to make those that don’t, wrong - as it’s more about it not being right for you, as for someone else it may be, and they may be just as good, and integrity filled person as you are.

Caroline - sending you love wrapped in cotton wool to surround you with.

This is not an easy time, and words or comfort may be shining lights or they may be empty and even make you angrier; and you will still need to go through your own process of healing in your time and way - and time, that old overused cliche, really does heal (and I ‘hate’ it when someone says that to me when I am ‘in it’ and hurting, lol), I promise!

Caro xx :-)

Hi Caroline,

Really sorry to hear of your plight. I think you’ve done incredibly well to carry on as you have over the past few weeks. Just remember, time is the great healer.

over time, you have demonstrated that you are a tremendous writer/blogger with uncanny determination. you’re also “human” and this post illustrates that when you’re cut…you also bleed. there’s nothing wrong with that. there’s nothing wrong with you. i applaud your honesty and candor for i find myself battling in the same war of maintaining a “brand” that is still deeply rooted into who i am as a person.

be strong and heal. whatever it takes. however long it takes. your gift is waiting patiently behind the pain and when you arise from this melancholy - you will continue to share that gift with the world. your honesty is a huge catalyst towards your healing.

be encouraged.

First about you, I feel your pain. I’m a guy. my ex-girlfriend was gay.. i didn’t know, she cheated. we broke up.. and i found out 1 year later.

I’ve only just discovered your blog. and i think in this post, apart from showing us that you (and therefore bloggers) are very human… calls out alot of the ‘bad’ or potential ‘evils’ of this whole web 2.0 thing.

maybe you’ll want to take it as a starting point… i know this might not seem to matter at all now, but the pain will pass with time.

you can let go.

neither this blog

nor your previous relationship define you.

every new moment brings promise and hope. embrace the new moment, and try to let go of the past.

take it easy.

1. Dearly Beloved Caroline:
2. You should go and watch a cartoon titled - the lion king parts 1,2,3. You will surely feel lighter after that.
3. Actually, my reply is in the website link above on my name.
4. Avoid a rebound and just lay still till the roller-coaster experience is over.
5. Let us talk on FB like I mentioned earlier at your convenience if truly I found my way into your Top Friends.
6. All the best to you.
7. High regards,
8. Olakunle Solomon Fatoye.
9. When something like this happens, switch off for some time!
10. Then switch on again and break new grounds that no one ever thought will be possible before! … Full Stop.

Amazing how a totally off-post topic can become your most successful post to date Caroline.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’d feel (and have felt) exactly the same about everything I do online during my not so good times as well. I’ve considered throwing in the towel for all the reasons you explain - it just all seems so pointless.

When I’m in that place I tend to stay away from work. When you don’t care, why force it?

You eventually care again, but that takes time of course, sometimes a long time, sometimes only a few days. Given what is going on in your life, I suggest you take as much time as you need.

One precedent you have set with this post - your blog is now more about you than it is about Internet marketing.

Take care.

Yaro

Hi Caroline,

I kind of know how you feel. When my boyfriend of 8.5 years asked for a break I found out two days later that he met someone else. Six months later he was living with her.

I also went to live with my mum, and I hated it because I didn’t have my stuff and my own space, and yeah - the Internet. I was working in an office job at the time too and I couldn’t face that, actually I couldn’t face anything.

It’s now about 9 months later and it’s still hard but it’s become a heap easier. I now look back on our relationship and realise my life is actually a lot better now. I’ve taken up yoga and meditation, met a few awesome friends and I’m doing anything I want whenever I want while I don’t have someone else in my life to consider. I also have my own little apartment which is exactly how I want it, I love it.

It may take a long time, but it will get better, you’ll get your blog mojo back soon too. I promise, even if it’s not in Internet Marketing.

For now, be as selfish as possible and take care of yourself!

Caroline,

It takes a lot of courage to put your life on the line like to in front of so many readers.

I honestly think you SHOULD take some time off and maybe not blog during the upcoming holidays.

No doubt it will take a lot of time for you to get back on your feet, but trust me…you will come out of this STRONGER.

As for the woman who has been commenting on your blog and who is your ex-girlfriend’s new love interest … I think it just wrong.

Caroline, maybe you should go back to your Mom’s home for the next couple of weeks, turn of the computer and sit in front of the telly or rent DVD. It might help you clear you mind.

You are human and the people who have commented will continue to be part of your journey … personal and professional.

Happy Holidays Caroline and MUCH courage!

Gisele

I have to say that I came across this post by accident and it just bought tears to my eyes. You know what I say? It was 10 years, but, she obviously was not deserving of even 1 minute of your time. When you are going through things like this you have to concentrate on getting your mind together - NOT on blogging. It’s hard to admit that we are human, but, guess what? We ARE HUMAN!!!! I am human and you are human AND you deserve time to get yourself together. You don’t owe us anything! Take time for yourself and I hope everything works out for you.

Caroline, it was very brave of you to do this - it must have took a lot of courage. I’m really sorry about you and your girlfriend, and I support you. For her to throw away a ten year relationship over someone she never met was idiotic, and she doesn’t deserve someone as nice and smart as you. Hold in there, and take care of yourself. I won’t be abandoning you anytime soon. Good luck.

Hi Caroline, I agree with Gisele, it took a lot of courage to make such a post. And having time off to clear your mind may be very helpful. But instead of watching TV or DVD I would recommend reading some books about personal character and life meaning. For example:

“7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covy

“Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor Frankl

“The 8th habit” by Stephen Covy

These books tell that if a person alignes his life along universal principles and not by something that changes (family, friends, enemies, work, etc.) then he/she will be able to go over any problems, live a meaningful life and leave a legacy.

Here are some quotes:

Nietzshe: “That which doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”

Nietzshe: “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”

Dostoevski: “There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.”

Frankl: “We had to learn ourselves … that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us… Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”

Frankl: “When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task: his single and unique task… His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.”

Covy: “Live, Learn, Love, Leave legacy.”

Covy: “Conscience guides vision, discipline, and passion.”

Covy: “Conscience is the inward moral sense of what is right and what is wrong, the drive toward meaning and contribution.”

Covy: “Vision is seeing with the mind’s eyes what is possible in people, in projects, in causes and in enterprises. Vision results when our mind joins need with possibility. When people have no vision, they fall prey to the human tendency toward victimism.”

Covy: “Discipline is paying the price to bring that vision into reality. Discipline arises when vision joins with commitment. The opposite of discipline is indulgence - sacrificing what matters most in the life for the pleasure or thrill of the moment.”

Covy: “Passion is the fire, the desire and the drive that sustains the discipline to archive the vision. When one does not have the passion that flows from finding and using one’s voice to server great purposes, the void is fulled with insecurity and the empty chatter of a thousand voice that drive the social mirror.”

Caroline, I´ve been behind in my blog reading and just now learned about your breakup. I´m so sorry! Obviously, you have a lot of supporters here and I certainly intend to stay subscribed until you delete this blog.

I know how you feel about not wanting to get out of bed on your worst days, I have been there myself and it´s not fun. Years ago, I suffered from severe depression and would miss weeks of work. The only way I kept my job was having a very understanding boss! And I think though you work from home, you have a lot of understanding readers who are more than willing to stick this out with you.

Hugs,
Genesis

A brave girl you are, Caroline. Really Brave.

Holy crap, woman! I came across your blog a few weeks ago and unsubscribed a couple of weeks later. Then I came across it again and read this post. You can bet I’ll stay subscribed, now.

You may think that you’ve really screwed up by “lying” to us and then coming right out and telling us you lied. But that did more for your credibility than you can believe. I mean, come on, you blatantly said, “I’m a liar.” And you were. But when you explained why and opened up to us, you showed us how incredibly honest you really are.

So when you write about something related to internet marketing, you can be sure we’ll be thinking, “This person really means it because she has proven how honest she is!”

You are authentic and thank you for your bravery.

Caroline: I’ve been a subscriber for awhile and I’m not going anywhere. I am very sorry to hear about all of this and hope that you are keeping the love, warmth and support that you need from friends, family and a qualified, professional counselor who can objectively help you get through this time in your life.

NO ONE is worth giving up over. NO ONE. I hope that you will be able to see that your life is better now . . . hard to believe, I know, but I went through some of the same things you are writing about when I was in my late teens and early 20’s. I look back on that stuff now and say, “Jeez!! Those were the best things that ever happened to me!” Because those experiences made me who I am today and I can tell you that I still love several folks with whom I had devastating relationships. (One in particular that went on for 7+ years.) But moving on was the best thing for me and hard as it was at the time, I can absolutely tell you that you will feel the same way when this has passed and you have some perspective.

Anyone who would treat you the way you have evidently been treated by your ex does not deserve your love, longing or misery.

So look deep within yourself, face the mirror and say, “Time to get on with life.” Then do it. One little step, many little tears, at a time.

Have a WONDERFUL Christmas if you are celebrating and remember that this is the first of many more Christmases to come and they will be FABULOUS!!!

I’ll be reading. :-)

You go girl! What a brave and honest post. I admire your tenacity to spill your guts about something so intimate and personal. You will find a love who cherishes you more … it does take time but it is always possible.

Still reading … with much love and appreciation from across the pond!

Take your time … we will be here.
Suzy

I’m really sorry to hear your bad news… Breakups really sap the emotional energy … but I hope you don’t just give up this blog… It’s really good.

Kenneth

All I can say is I’m sorry, I am wishing the best for you, and wish I could help. If you were working for “a company”, you would take some time off and take a vacation. Anyone going through a divorce or separation would do so. Why should you do any less because this is your job? Remember that you work to live, not live to work. Take care of yourself first.

Michael’s last blog post..Microsoft Office for the Mac - Take Two

you’re amazing.

You, my dear, are a very brave woman for not only writing about this, but sharing it.

Stay human.

take care…

black.pixie’s last blog post..Better late than never …. NOT….

Caroline -

In my hunt for your Easter Eggs, I came across this post. Although I started following your blog during the 30 Day Challenge last year, I hadn’t been very diligent in reading it except every once in a while and I just came across this post today.

Let me just say - it doesn’t matter one freakin’ bit! You are who you are and if someone can’t respect that, too bad for them. You don’t need their approval or friendship or whatever — although that sure doesn’t lessen the pan.

I applaud you for your honesty in a tough situation. I think your honesty and your willingness to put yourself out there as being gay in a world that is rather harsh sometimes about those issues, is tremendously brave and remarkable.

My heart hurts for you. Though I’m straight, my first marriage ended in failure. I’m sure the pain of such breakups is no different for a heterosexual couple as for a gay one. We’re all human and we bleed. The same things hurt us. We die inside when relationships end like this.

I hope you’re on the mend and doing better with getting your life back in order now. Your blog is still one of the few I read regularly and though I seem to go through phases where I don’t read for a while, I am always brought back.

You’re a genuine person and I’m glad to see you’re forging ahead! ;-)

Best always,
Annie

Annie Anderson’s last blog post..Truths about blogging