Who Would Have Thought the Idea of a Thank-You Could Illicit Such an Abusive Response?

Caroline:
Good stuff, you absolutely must appreciate those who don’t understand common courtesy to the point of becoming aggressive in the face of a “thank you!”
If it means anything, at least there are more people who appreciated your blog and thankyous :)

In true style… “Right on, sister!”. :D

I couldn’t have handled that better, Caroline. Kudos for not taking those comments to heart.

Remember the post you stumbledupon on my site a few days ago, “Creating A Stunning and Memorable First Time Visit”? Although the thumbs down and up are not as the post of yours, I do have a bad comment which see me as a spammer as well.

For me, these people have this kind of thinking because we and them are from different world. They are the social media users which enjoy great contents and we are or seen as people who wanted to utilize their playground as a traffic building tool or “make-our-blogs-great” tool.

Juts get over it. You are writing for bloggers and bloggers who appreciate it will give you thumbs up. What I don’t like are all those foul words that they use in commenting, at least Caroline, you won the battle by not spurting out such words in a confrontation post.

;-)

Caroline, it just goes to show that there’s no such thing as bad publicity re:6000 page views.

It also shows what a sad world we live in, where people can’t take a simple “Thank you” at face value, where it’s immediately dismissed as SPAM and linkbait. If receiving such an email is an issue then I suggest you press the delete button.

Apparantly deleting an unwanted “thank you” email is too much bother, but writing vitriolic, abusive comments on a blog is a constructive use of one’s time? Like I said, sad, mixed up world. ;)

Geez…now we have Stumble Rage.
What is this world coming to?!!!

Keep on rocking in the free world, Caroline.
We love ya, girl!

Big hugs always,
Mudd a.k.a. Oza
xoxo

I’m going to be a little critical and honest here, Caroline… so forgive me if I speak my mind and say how I really feel about this.

Every article I’ve ever written about StumbleUpon has received negative rude reviews so it’s not uncommon to see stuff like this from Stumblers.

If you are going to throw something up on a social media channel you have to inevitably expect criticism and differing perspectives. They are simply exercising their ability to share an alternative opinion (as you are doing now).

I think you’re preaching to the converted here. We are mostly all bloggers, small business owners and marketers who want more traffic and exposure via StumbleUpon.

For everyone who reads your blog, your last post was very clear. Thanking = strategy to get more Stumbleupon traffic or fans. That’s simple enough.

Since everyone mostly shares your perspective and agrees with you…I just didn’t think there was a need to name and shame the Stumblers who left negative reviews.

Rallying a supportive audience and stoning a bunch of active and passionate (albeit rude) users is a little unnecessary.

You should have left the issue alone with the previous post, I feel.

Hi Caroline,

You handled this nicely.

I have to disagree with Maki on the “stoning” of the stumblers though. If they had no problem writing that kind of stuff to you, why shouldn’t they be exposed? They could have made their point with a bit more tact.

Maybe next time they will think twice before saying such rude things

TMC

Thumbs way up to you, Caroline! You are very gracious. I agree with Oza! Looks like there may enough members now to start the Stumble Rage support group , don’t you think? ;-)

Hey, it is through those kind of people that you really “grow” right?

Anyway, glad you handled it well and on that last part… very nice :-)

HAHAHAHAHAHA, now that’s funny I don’t care where you’re from that there is some funny sh!t.
I second the vote from Oza
Keep on Rocking in the Free World !!!

I think you were quite right to name the stumblers. If they get that annoyed by someone saying ‘thank you’ I hope nobody ever holds a door open for them!

I’ve to agree with Maki here. Though I appreciate that you didn’t reply back to them with similar rudeness and understood their motives for such harsh reactions, I was shocked to see that you not only published all the comments, but also linked them to the profiles of the commenters.

They are coming from a completely different world, they see our ’social media networking’ as exploitation of social media sites, and they don’t want us to make them a part of our ‘devious’ traffic building strategies.

Anyways, I feel that you shouldn’t have PMed every person who dropped by your page in the first place. I think you overdid this a bit. A better way to thank would be to thumb up that stumbler’s blog or take some other action that makes him/her notice you.

As Seth says “All marketers are liars”. We bloggers are also seen by people as crooks and liars. :)

Must admit, I would have just left it at thanking people who left comments.

Still, I think you’re quite right to link to the abusive mailers - people are far too keen to hide behind the anonymity they think the internet gives them.

As demonstrated by what happened to this guy, who was considerably more blameless than you in his actions on Digg:

http://www.chandlerkent.com/stories/2007/1/06.php

I have to strongly disagree with Maki, there is no need for that sort of language and threats. That is abuse plain and simple, and in many states is considered a crime, named disorderly conduct.

If this were done on the street, this would be an arrestable offense, so I don’t see how it is “ok” or “to be expected” when it is done online. It is still people on either end of the equation, and if we have so lost our humanity and respect for a fellow human that common communication should break down to such a degree, then I feel sorry for us all.

By the way, in case you are wondering about the validity, one state sites disorderly conduct as such (see if you can spot some similarities?):

“Disorderly conduct is, with knowledge or probable cause to believe that such acts will alarm, anger or disturb others or provoke an assault or other breach of the peace:

(a) Engaging in brawling or fighting; or

(b) Disturbing an assembly, meeting, or procession, not unlawful in its character; or

(c) Using offensive, obscene, or abusive language or engaging in noisy conduct tending reasonably to arouse alarm, anger or resentment in others.”

Caroline, you did right by pointing these people out, it is only when we leave dark works in the dark can they grow, it is only when they are brought to light that anything can be done about them, even if it is to point out a glaring flaw in our current state of affairs.

Keep your chin up, and good work!

Pat

Well as the old saying goes: “You can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

And I love, love, love the coke upside of the head. ;)

smiling at people for the sake of smiling is one thing, smiling at them for an ulterior motive (can’t think of an ulterior motive for smiling, but lets assume it exists) is something completely different.

you’re not thanking stumblers for the sake of thanking them, you’re doing it because you want them to read your blog, stumble other pages on your blog, etc. that exactly is the meaning of the word ‘ulterior’.

i’m not saying that it’s wrong, i’m only saying that it’s not one hundred percent right. the few percent not-right is represented by the people who abused you in your comments section :)

that wasn’t just criticism…

patrick covered what I was going to say pretty well. :)

@caroline, is it okay to hit girls over there?

Yowza’s…..tha’s some pretty mean stuff. i felt the anger in my belly…..but hey I guess that part of the whole blogging deal right. Unfortunately some do spam and annoy the living crap out of people, so that when people are actually “thankful” people then take the “thank you” in the wrong way…either way it seemed to help you…so kudos to you!

@Kate, my thoughts exactly. Mind you I’ve never actually (yet) received an abuse response from my thank-you notes, only to the post itself.

@Maki, name & shame? All of the quotes I have put here are publicly viewable by clicking the reviews button on the original post - I have not named anybody who had not already named themselves.

To be honest, it gave me something to write about on a Saturday, I’ve got bugger all links for a link post this week!

@TMC, As I responded to Maki - no exposing done here - it’s all freely viewable in it’s original unsnipped form on the original Stumbleblog for that post.

@Warrior, very true. A month or two ago I would have horrified by these responses but this is just preparing me for what I’m sure I’ll get more of as I continue this journey into the world of Internet Marketing; it’s all part of the game.

@Andy, there is no anonymity with StumbleUpon - you cannot leave a thumbs up/down without leaving the mark on the original post which is open for all to see.

To give credit to the original commenters, they could have sent me their responses privately but none of them did, they chose to do it publicly via a review to the page.

@Moshin, I realise now that I should have made it clear in the post that the excerpts were taken from the Stumble Reviews and might have avoided some of this confusion of me ‘exposing’ the commenters.

@Patrick, yes I think it’s perfectly fine for people to disagree and I encourage people to come and comment on this blog and disagree with me but I do think the profanity is unnecessary - especially when the topic of discussion is just a thank you note!

@Lisa, yes I was quite proud of myself if somewhat shaken :)

@Kris, what makes you think I’m not thanking them for the sake of thanking them? Most will take no notice of the note whatsoever, but I do appreciate the thumbs up because it sends me traffic.

You make it sounds as though somebody only does something nice because there’s something in it for them. While it’s true that it does lead some some benefits for me, I’d still do it anyway because as it only takes a few minutes and (I still think) it’s just a nice thing to do.

@Josh, no it’s not usually the done thing - especially when they are half your size.

I just had a thought, why not just post the review page that shows the original comments (don’t know why I didn’t think of that before).

StumbleUpon Review Page

Caroline,

Most of the comments here are in support of what you did and I see their points. Those StumbleUpon users were rude and the comments they made were uncalled for. They WERE offensive. I don’t agree with them at all and your post did not warrant the vitriol it received.

What I really disagree with however, is the way you handled the whole matter by putting up a post, invalidating their opinions by focusing on the traffic and then subtly comparing them to hooligans you’ve met while ‘feeling sad’ for the people who left the comments.

You even alluded to “how they live their lives in the offline world”. You don’t know what kind of people they are, just like they don’t know that you’re a real genuine blogger who offers excellent content. You didn’t have to play their game.

The links to their profiles were just uncalled for. They might have been rude in reviewing the page but as I’ve said, they were using a feature within StumbleUpon and giving their true opinion of your webpage. Their honest opinion. Accept it and let it pass.

These people are active users of Stumbleupon and they are simply passionate about not having people game the system, a tool they hold dear and use without any ulterior motive.

The way you put up links to their profile and the way you talk about them just didn’t leave a good taste in my mouth.

I’m well aware that what their comments are readily available on the Review page but only a small portion of people click through to that page and check out the reviews.

Naming and Shaming = putting their profiles right up in an article, which is indexed in search engines and fully available for all current and future visitors who may come across your blog. Not to mention your current readership of 500+ subscribers as well, including some who are non-StumbleUpon users.

How many do you think went over to these user’s profiles to thumb it down? Perhaps some. Using an obviously supportive audience to your advantage against a couple of engaged social media users is just overkill in my eyes. It is uncalled for.

They were rude and juvenile but that doesn’t mean you need to retaliate in this manner.

If you really disagree with their comments and behavior, by all means report them to StumbleUpon. Use the protocol available within the social network and if their actions are in violation of a specific code of conduct, they will be removed from the network.

It’s that simple. Why point a hostile crowd to them? They are simply harmless users in the same social network. I’m just disappointed that things had to turn out this way.

Caroline

Sorry you experienced the downside of SU. I’ve really only had one of those, with one going so far as to say “I hope you die of cancer”. I don’t know why it has to get personal?

I’ve only ever issued 2 thumbs down, with no comments, when I was new as I thought it would stop similar pages. I haven’t done it in 8 months. As you suggest, I think the thumbs down with a review just calls more attention to the post, so if I don’t like something - I just hit the stumble button….next. Glad you’re not taking it personally :)

That was a funny post. I never respond to people who spam my boxes on any site, but it can be irritating when I get a Thanks and never seen the site ( rofl). All they have to do is ask and I always take a peek :)

I am shocked by some of these responses.

Who are these people? Where are their manners? Since when is a thank you an insult?

All I can think is that you are treading on their sanctified territory and they are afraid. How dare this newcomer come in and give advice? Who does she think she is?

As Nike says it so well, “Just do it.” They do not own the territory.

They are disgracing themselves.

I agree with Maki. the way some of the SU users responded to that post was uncalled for and was juvenile. There was no need of such words or disrespect towards you.

But again we do not know how these people live their lives and what they do offline just as they might not know what you do offline and out of your blogging career. SU has a system that allows user to report users for inappropriate behavior which should have been a wise call.

Again, I am sorry and I personally wouldnt have liked all the rude comments myself and would have been pretty infuririated myself. But to bring up the whole thing through your post just didn’t help the matter.

If the review page was left alone, everybody would look at the comments on SU and would feel the same way you did ” insulting and uncalled for ” but bringing it up through your post, in my opinion puts you a little on the unwise and childish side as well

hhhmmmm….. makes me want to drink a pot of coffee and go on a “Stumble On Thank You” oddessy. Some people just think to highly of themselves and when they respond with profanity like what you have shown, it just shows that they are not as high and mighty as they would like to think they are.

My response to people like that: Remember, the same God that made you, also made the dung beetle.

Keep up the great blogging Caroline….. eric

as of now I am wearing a helmet so that I don’t have to take that bottle on my head :) here goes my comment

caroline every coin has two sides. If you get 40 + votes if the other negatives would have been zero than this post was a must! Else dear you should be happy that there are people going against you. It indicates that the earth is heading the right way …hehe

There are so many people who hate Google too. That dose not deter them of there path. Keep walking..or I should say (they way your blog is heading) keep running!

kudos!!

keep on doing what you do…. these people are just small and not worth the time..

@Maki, you’re right I didn’t need to play their game. I’ve had a bad week (personal thing) and I think I used this as a way of venting. Anyway, I do appreciate your opinion.

@Meg, wow that’s really quite incredible. I’ve seen something similar aimed at John Chow. You have to just brush these aside or you’d never keep your sanity.

@WorknPlay, I had no idea you could report behaviour on SU. Though tbh, I probably wouldn’t have used it if I had known.

@CompuWorld, can I borrow your helmet? :)

If someone can be aggravated by a TY, they can be even more PO’d by SPAM… I see it as Spam if I have never visited that blog before. If I have seen it, the TY was all accepted.

I have been a little upset with people sending messages in private asking me to view their blog. Why Private? well that’s only because they will do this to about 50 more people in the next 2 minutes and 2 seconds.

If they didn’t think it was spam they would leave it as a message for all to view and not just me.

I think the proplem is not with the TY notes, but the people who are making the blogs about making money online ( i am one of them )

I never spam, ever because I personally hate it.

So many crappy blogs on making money by people who don’t even know what the Letters SEO stand for and they bug the heck out of people who don’t care much about it.

I mean how would u feel if you kept getting messages like that all day and you can’t even find the message where a friend and reader on your blog just came by to leave a ” hello, who are you?” message.

I love the money making blogs personally so If they wanna come by and say TY, go for it.

The Bloggers who are not into that niche do hate it, I have seen comments like.

“Do you think blogs with Adsense are worth reading.”

Like we are scammers. it’s just a saturated “market” and this is why it’s so hard to compete. Boohoo, so allot spam to get readers and the cool people like us are looked at like we are some kind of cyber crimminal.

Negative comments are just a part of life. In fact, almost every article that hits the digg frontpage or goes popular on SU receives a tremendous amount of negative comments. It’s really sad to see the juvenile comments left by the stumblers. Anyways, you certainly made them have their 15 seconds of fame :lol:

Caroline,

Wow! That was insane! Thank you for taking the time to share that with all of us. I did not find you through SU, but I do have the toolbar on one of my PCs and will test it every so often in shear boredom, leave a thumbs up/thumps down/blow off the site altogether, and move on. The fact that people cared enough to leave you the comments says a lot about ‘Internet Personalities’ and what they truely care about.

I think that I’m going to have to ride with Oza!!

I’ve always known that you can tell a lot about a person by what comes out of their mouth - but I’ve just confirmed that you can also tell a lot about a person by the type of things they are willing to leave in a public forum!!

I’ve NEVER written a comment on the web before the moment that I read those comments to you Caroline. But I was quite disturbed by the level of animosity and anger directed at you over a simple “Thank You”.

With so much negativity and ridiculousness to be found on the web, it’s quite refreshing to find a positive force who so willingly gives of themselves on a regular basis.

THANK YOU FOR THE THANK YOU!!!! PLEASE KEEP IT UP!?!

I wish that you could throw a coke bottle over the internet!

Oh boy…Miss Middlebrook…This one did backfire badly!

I guess, this gives us a good insight into how active stumblers think!

Haha! Just to check how these guys react, I am gonna message them as well and see, how they react to another “polite” Thank you note! (just a couple)

Stumblers VS Bloggers! Wow that could start a War!

Funny thought but can be an interesting write, How much each is dependent on the other! Hmmm…..

Wow. I was so floored by the language that was used by the SU’ers. You know the saying, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. If they were unhappy with your thank you, simply tell you that they don’t like it. That is it. To use profanity is absurd. There are millions of words in the english language to use!

This all over a simple thank you? I think it was nice that you thanked them and the world should be more like that. If I ever stumble you, you can thank me. I like the personal contact.

Caroline, just continue to do what you are doing, and keep working at your personal development. The world is changing and only the strong will survive. Just remember that the negative comments are from folks that don’t realize that there is a big difference between
spammers and online publishers and advertizers. Spammers are those that are in our face everyday via our E-mail loading our inbox with over 500 of unsolicited
junk mail. but then their are the online publisher and advertizers that have a real and valuable product (s) that can make a difference in people lifes. For more words of wisdom check out Mark Yarnell’s Blogs at http://markyarnellblog.com you will get and eye full of
valuable insite and knowledge.

@Phillip, aww you know what, I have been feeling a bit down today and your comment really cheered me up.

@Anna, yeah all over a thank-you, that’s the ludicrous thing!

Didn’t read too many comments past it but I had to agree with Maki’s. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade… you didn’t write this post because you were in such turmoil and needed all your blogging friends to console you.

You did it for something to blog and to get more traffic. I mean, come on, just be honest.

So, in a sense, those rude stumblers were right. They just went about it in a manner that gave you more material to post rather than getting their point across.

Caroline, come out of the closet. I know when I’m looking at a traffic whore… because I have a little traffic whore in me.

Cheers!
Sam

Sam

I think that’s a little unfair. Liz Strauss wrote a similar article and got tons of thumbs-up, 38 reviews with only 1 negative. Seems it’s okay for a successful relationship blogger to write about thanking stumblers, but not a new blogger - easy pickings.

Personally, I don’t know that I would have linked to the stumblers, but if they are going to be so openly abusive (and Caroline is right, it is public record) then they have exposed themselves.

I think the comments were uncalled for, and Caroline has every right to be upset by the ferocity of the comments. Maybe outing such antisocial behaviour will make people think twice about doing it in the future.

wow. really, who would have thought. i guess i understand where they are coming from. i mean, if i got one thank you for stumbling i would be like, “that’s nice.” but if everyone started to do it , well, then it would feel like spam. kudos to you for taking some of those harsher comments so gracefully. =)

Go Caroline! You have such a great attitude. Personally I think you’re right and all those other losers are wrong. You’re right, all of those people just think everyone is trying to use them and exploit them somehow. I love all your articles - keep it up! :)

I have to admit that I’m absolutely stunned by the replies you got from the stumblers. You were just trying out something new, and it ended up as a case of “shit hitting the fan”. It is always unpleasant when an innocent act leads to such an over reaction.

I have been lucky I guess. I have Mybloglog “Recent Visitors” installed on my blog and recognised some of them from comment boards of other blogs and from StumbleUpon. I have sent a few thank yous to some of them and was pleasantly surprised when one of them actually gave my blog a thumbs up after reading my message. And I wasn’t even asking for it.

While I disagree with the use of language by these stumblers, they could be having a bad day too. Top users of social networks are constantly harrassed by loads of people several times a day to give them a thumbs up or vote (a staff on SEOMoz who is a top user on Digg shared about this in a post). And when they turn down these requests simply because of the lack of good content, they were on the receiving end of abusive language as well, though there was no need for them to perpetuate the cycle.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us! It has cautioned me on the risks that I am taking when coming up with strategies for promoting my blog.

This a very interesting discussion to stumble over. I agree that the kind or rudeness you quoted is inexcusable, but here’s a different take on wholesale thank yous. 1. There’s no way for the recipient of a thank-you email to know whether you’re truly grateful or just doing self-promotion. 2. It’s time to consider whether such thanks, however well meant, are appropriate in a day and age when people are struggling with the overload of unrequested and unwanted email. To anyone who asked how hard it is to just delete and pass on: it isn’t that simple. It’s one more bit of aggravation, one more bit of time taken out of someone’s life, one more unwanted intrusion.

I suggest some self-questioning. Is this really an appropriate way to thank people, and is thanks even necessary? If you’re doing it purely for self-promotion are there better ways, ways that aren’t intrusive and so likely to be considered spam?

Counting the pros and cons of responses is just a rationalization. Most people, no matter how irritated they are with one more pointless email, aren’t going to take the time to complain about it. They will delete and pass on, but they may remember you–unfavorably.

I hope I’m not simply repeating what someone else said, but I’m not not going

Welcome to the theater of the absurd. Caroline, more years ago than I care to remember I witneseed an event similiar to the pub scene the only difference being I was not exactly a computer geek at the time (6′ 230 lbs) there was no crying involved only running. Anyway things are really starting to get out of hand with “spamming” and accusations of spamming. If someone goes out of their way to say thank you, even if it is a little spammy so what ! I will graciously accept it and be on with my day.

Oh and Violethemlock “Furthermore, I didn’t “stop by” of my own volition. It’s more likely that I pushed the stumble button and had your blog unceremoniously thrust upon me.” Are you saying you have demons in your mouse ? I don’t get your point.

Thank you for this post, it just goes to show that there are some real idiots out there, now of course if you send me an email cussing me out for thanking you I will have to publish it somewhere or at least put it in my blackmail file, lol.

Oh, and I vehemently disagree with all the comments talking about how the rude people are coming from a totally different world, we are all in the same world and we are all human beings, so my opinion is everybody should practice a little common courtesy.

Some people are just a lot meaner on the internet than they normally are. Last night I was looking at this blog about a TV show, where I had previously commented that one of the minor characters had a significant role in an upcoming independent film. I noticed that someone had replied to my comment, saying “Good for you! Want a cookie?”

OK, not much of an insult there by comparison with the comments Caroline received, but still, it just seemed unnecessary, like kicking a squirrel.

My take on this is that Caroline’s commenters were unjustifiably rude, but they are not necessarily bad people in real life. Something about the internet (the anonymity?) just seems to bring out the worst in some people.

Thanks for the heads up, Caroline! People need to be prepared for what can happen with StumbleUpon.

Congrats on launching your first eBook!

-Mike

Caroline,
Just remember that these people are showing off their ignorance particularly with their choice of language used.

You can make a more intelligent statement without using profanity.

Also an honest thank you is appreciated by most people who receive it.

Great post, Caroline.
I somehow think that these social inadequates that make such comments do it from behind the safety of a computer keyboard because it’s the only thrill they can get in their sad little lives. They know that if they so much as thought about doing it in the real world, they’d have their heads ripped off and left for the strays.

Just as a summary to the original post and to this one - I’ve reached a point where it has become blindingly obvious that this is nothing more than an illustration of the differences between people.

No matter what you do, what you say, what you think, what you feel - there will always, always be people who either misunderstand you or simply disagree with you. Some will choose to disagree very vocally and that in itself is just another illustration of these differences.

I am sure that this is not the last time I shall face negativity. By writing a blog I choose to put myself in the face of the public. By using services such as StumbleUpon, by allowing comments on the blog I am inviting others to freely express their opinion so I have got what I have asked for.

However, I also realise that it is not particularly healthy for me to focus on it which is what I did by publishing this follow up post. It is said that you get more of what you focus on and indeed I have - there are more negative reviews now and one in particular is extremely personal and hurtful.

So I’m done with that now. If I see more negativity, I shall notice it, move it aside and continue doing what I am doing.