Taking Some Time Off & Writing a Guest Post

“I’m not going to force out blog posts and I don’t feel like now is the right time to use guest posts so I shall simply write when I have something useful to say.”

Makes perfect sense to me. And yet, an inconsistent posting frequency is considered by many to be one of the greatest sins in blogging. Somebody please explain that to me.

Posting regularly (daily) is one of the keys to a successful blog.Sometimes I take brakes as well, but I do write a few articles ready and just login to my WP admin area and post one.It´s fast and really simple.

Caroline,
As a fellow internet marketer i can assure you that your relationship problems and lack of posting will not decrease your readership. Readers will develop a stronger bond to your blog, as they see that you are a real person with real problems. Friendly, simple and down to earth bloggers can easily outperform witty cut and dry internet marketers.

I’m glad you’re back Caroline..

It’s cool you’re not blogging for the sake of it, as most bloggers in the IM niche do just that.. and I’m looking forward to reading the upcoming posts.

The one which pulled my attention was the one about “blog commenting”. In fact, I loved that so much that I printed it right on the spot.. and it was the spark which turned me into a loyal fan and reader of your blog (I’m not even on your RSS feed list I guess)

Yup, I like to read blogs by bookmarking the links, and as a fellow blogger I wonder how many IM folks have similar preference.

Cheers,
Codrut Turcanu - “Succeeding Against All Odds!”

Codrut Turcanu dot coms last blog post..Paying for Targeted Traffic - They Still Don’t Get It

@ Hunter, I actually read recently (who knows where, I read so much that it’s all a blur) that it’s not necessarily true that one must blog regularly, and frequently. Subscribers do not unsubscribe when you post less but keep the quality high. They are more likely to unsubscribe when you post lower-quality stuff. I tend to agree.

Caroline, you may want to consider starting a personal blog in addition to this one. I know I will read it. :)

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Good luck Caroline…

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Good luck to you Caroline :) All your readers are behind you every step of the way :)

-Mike

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Hope you will be back soon. a little bit of vacation can be realy good for you. Eyeryone schould take some time to glance at own thongs from another perspective. I am sure you will be back with new greate Ideas. have a greate time.

Hi Caroline,

Sounds like you are taking good care of your self. If you would like to guest post on Law of Attraction I would welcome that
Enjoy the week off

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Hi caroline , just to say hi and i just subscribe to your stumblerush to learn how to drive traffic using stumbleupon . I love your blog , very neat and nice :)

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@Hunter, my decisions right now are not based on good blogging practices! I am doing what I need to do for me personally, regardless of what effect that might have on the blog or the rest of my business.

@Suzie, thanks, I did indeed have your blog in mind. I’ll get in touch if I feel I have anything useful to say on the subject.

That would be great Caroline, did you get Michael’s book?
I am running a competition or two this week, nothing like leaving everything to the last minute:) So come and check it out.
Self care is good too

Suzie Cheels last blog post..Moving Forward Fearlessly

Caroline — no hurry. We’ll be here when you are ready.

Mark

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I guess everyone faces such conditions when they can’t blog or don’t want to blog. I myself haven’t blogged for about two months now. Getting back into the stream now :)

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I found amazing Video on youtube about Randy Paush (the Last Lecture)
Maybe it helps you and other Voks here to motivate or to see the things from differend perspective. On the youtube you can find it under: youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0
You can also search on google videos for his “last Lecture” -( Randy Paush )is quite amazing also for people who has to go throu taff time.

Sounds good, thanks for the update. I really like the look of StumbleRush. Keep up the awesome work at caroline-middlebrook.com :)

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@Suzie, yeah I do have Michael’s book but it was bad timing as I ordered it the day before things started to go wrong in the relatiosnhip so it’s been too painful to do the process at the moment.

@Lernen, thanks I’ll watch that video - I’m looking for as much inspiring material as I can get at the moment!

I really do hope that you will be back soon, because your blog is awesome and I really hope that your life will be back on track.

I am looking forward to StumbleRush and thanks for sharing your personal stories.

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Hi Caroline

I’m sorry, but this post is a ‘ramble’ and long - I felt a need to get some things out of my own system too - after reading your posts and your tragedies and relationship breakup at the moment - I just hope something helps, perhaps put things into perspective.

So - I do apologise, because this comment is not structured, it is written quickly off the top of my head, it is a tad personal too, and as such, is rather convoluted!!! (I am also too ill to proof-read it, and to my dismay, I actually lost some of the edits out, when I accidently clicked on ’submit’ before I was ready - AHHHHH - so I do hope it makes sense

- and you are welcome to moderate it, if you don’t wish this here - I won’t be offended at all :-)

Anyway…. I know its a bit risky posting such personal things on the internet, but sharing can sometimes help. I know that I learn much from other’s personal experiences and lessons learned in life.

I read your personal post about your relationship breakup in detail, and really felt for you, the way you are feeling, the despair. There was so much great advice there and support from your readers - really treasure this.

You are a beautiful, warm and giving soul Caroline, so I am not suprised at this support you have :-)

Last night I wanted to write so much to add to this support, and to also help place things into perspective perhaps, and to let you know - allow yourself to grieve - let it all out, until there is nothing more and you are so worn out, you actually feel a little better!

But I had an ‘attack’ from my illness, and havent been able to leave my bed since. And have been frightened about my own ‘future’, whether I can survive or not - if I can continue with my own online career because of this.

I am talking about Perspective I guess. Life is always changing. This is guaranteed. And as you know, it is how we respond to and deal with these changes, which is important.

‘If you Change the way you look at life, Life Changes for you’ - is a saying I once heard.

Easier said than done sometimes! And we need to put things into perspective. I am not saying your pain is not real. Everything is relative. I have felt your pain - most of have. The pain of loss and grief is one of the worst - and sometimes when we are in the midst of it, we cannot see the way out. we cannot see the light. but it is there and you know this, because you have gone through it before. - because all of have got through this before.

But I realize that is of little comfort now - the ‘platitutes’. so it is hard to know what to say.

I can only put my life to you perhaps - a little - to help with perspective - and there are people much worse off than myself - so I need to do the same and count the blessings that I do have!.
…. so, back to my point …..Caroline, I am alone too, and face dying. I wish I had a partner. but I have spent most of my life alone and afraid,

… always striving to ‘face the fear and do it anyway’!!. :-)

The prospect of finding another partner is low. I have an incurable illness, I face the prospect of dying, or fear of dying from complications, alone, I am partially blind, and was almost fully blind last year from complications of my illness. I have recently recovered from my last eye surgery - and I can now read properly again with glasses - but still blind at other distances!

- a negative to a positive! :-)
something to adapt to again!

I almost lost all of my teeth as another complication, and have a plate - so now I look ‘normal’. I lost my hair - but it is growing back. :-)

- another negative to a positive! :-)

I lost my job (I studied 4 years for to get a PhD, so I could get this job.) But now I have new prospects and passions on the internet :-)

- the ups and downs… the negatives, the positives - change! our perceptions! I wonder if it all ‘balances out’?

Having been alone for most of my life - I have had to learn to ‘enjoy’ being single, to accept and enjoy my own company. To accept that its ok to be single. That I do not ‘need’ a partner to be happy, to feel fulfilled in life.

It takes strength and courage - and I know you have both of these. But be careful if you feel like you cannot be without a relationship in life, because it is sometimes possible to be perceived by future partners as over ‘needy’ - jealousy and fear can easily set in, especially when you have been hurt, as you have been. We can become frightened it may happen again, and act accordingly and drive our future partners away in the process.

Even though I have come to accept my ’single’ life, I do know that the happiest time was when I was in a relationship and studying. but I lost that., then struck down by this illness.

I had to keep going and I did, as we all do, and I completed my PhD (Doctorate) - I celebrated my award in hospital - great! but lots of support in there - at least I wasn’t home alone (and back then, I had a lot of friends at uni., plus supportive students, as I was a tutorer/consultant lecturer, research officer, writer, etc - these are my passions in life, which I hope to transfer to the net in helping others succeed)

again - fear/negative to hope/positive! :-)

I have been house-bound and in a great deal of pain for 2 years and I am unlikely ever to be able to have intimate relations, because of other complications - so the prospect of finding a ‘partner’ is low. Being confined by 4 walls for so long, the pain, the illness, the loneliness is hard.

Yet I try to stay positive. I try to see the ‘blessing’ of this ‘different life’ I lead now. It has given me a new outlook on life. :-)

And as said, there are others who are much worse off. But again, everything, pain, love, happiness, despair - it is all relative and needs to be placed within the context of our ‘own’ life situations and upbringings.

I am not saying that I am ‘happy’ all the time. - no-one is. But I do have those happy days now, the more self-aware I become, the more I learn about myself and life and others. Steps forward, steps backwards. Its all a journey!

But I must admit, I do get frustrated at the law of attraction sometimes too - and ‘fuzzy, pop-style’ self help literature - some of which I have even been guilty of posting on my own self help blog!

(although I have also expressed my dismay at it too, and some concerns I have with this ‘happy’-happy type, more superficial literature. It doesn’t always work and there all types of reaons for this - could write a thesis on it!

Does it alway work? Sometimes - can we even be bothered to want it to work - certainly not when we are feeling so low, as you also noted

- I can certainly understand this, and I am sure many people can, at some stages in life…. eg. I can’t remember if I wrote this before(!) - but just an illustration - when in the bath one night, trying to relieve pain from physical complications of my illness, I was listening to a self help audio, telling me I could ‘choose’ to be happy right now!

Ok - there I was, screaming ‘I am happy, I am happy, I am happy right now’ - well, it didn’t seem to work, until I realised how hilarious I must have looked! A woman in pain, clenched face, thumping the side of the tub, screaming ‘I am happy’! - ‘pretending’, hoping to ‘attract’ that happiness and relief from pain!! did it work, hm mmmm!

But it was funny and I just had to resolve myself to ‘accept’ the pain as part of me.

And - I do know that the law of attraction can work (albeit it not termed as such) - I take comfort in this, kinowing that if/when I am ready - I can change my life, well as much as is possible within the circustances. There are times… well, it may take some time to manifest (and the ‘law of attraction’ is simply a repackaging of a concept that has been around for eons!)

As said, we have a lot to do with creating our own lives, and how we respond to events in our lives - as I am sure you are also aware of. I do know that if we are determined and focused and persistent, that we can achieve our goals - I have manifested this many times, before it was ‘packaged’ as the ‘law of attraction’.

But I agree - don’t bother being ‘happy’ just so you can ‘attract’ more happiness - just for the sake of being ‘proper’ and ‘politically correct’(!) in ‘adhering’ to the law of attraction - and whether or not it is a ‘law’ (eg. like the ‘law’ of gravity) - well, must look that one up in the dictionary!

- just ‘be’ for awhile Caroline. Just ‘be’. Flow in the ‘now’. Feel how you want to feel and just accept that this is how you feel and don’t feel guilty about not working, or procrastination, or even feel like you have to apologise for posting personal articles.

Earning money online has a LOT to do with mindset, not just strategies and tactics.

So personal posting on your blog is quite appropriate in this respect. And many people I am sure, are interested in this side of things, rather than just reading about the theory and strategies of marketing online - they want the ‘real’ story, the ‘human’ story of earning online.

And you give this to us all.

You will know when the time is right to move in - and to start living your life, designing and creating your goals.

And remember, you have not only lost a ‘partner’, but you have also lost a ‘way of life’ - this is what makes it harder. Everything in your life that seemed ’safe’ and ‘familiar’ has gone. There is a great quote for this:

‘It is often a crisis event that shatters the ‘illusions’ that anchor our lives’.

You have lost your anchor. We need to find our anchors all the time, constantly, all of us. Anchors are not permanent - as said, change is one of the few things in this world that we can rely upon :-)

Again, I am sorry about the nature of this post and I hope it made sense - it just ‘poured’ out of me! - eeks! - as said, you can moderate if you like :-)

You are doing all the right things Caroline. I have a great deal of respect for you, your honesty, your giving nature. And I know that you have a great inner strength, which will get you through this.

ok - i have written much - too much! I have opened myself up too much. But too ill, as said, to edit it down and I don’t want to waste this time.

So I am just going to click that ’submit’ button!! Again - won’t be offended if you moderate this Caroline :-)

Warm Regards
Meg

- and thanks for accepting my invite as contact on LinkedIn! I hope to speak soon, when you are ready - Dennis E. has too, after we ‘met’ on your article about ‘do you have a blog commenting strategy’, so I am a reader of his great blog now too at directwebsalesmarketing :-)

Hey, nice piece Megan. Perspective is indeed a good healer once you get back to the point where you can appreciate it. All the best.

@Rosie - Many thanks for your comment Rosie. :-)

Yes perspective can help, ‘when’ we are ready - and we do need to get to that time first before we can see this perhaps - I agree. As noted, I don’t want what I wrote, in anyway, to denigrate or lessen the significance of Caroline’s feelings, because ‘everything is relative’!

And we all have different ‘pain thresholds’. I also didn’t write this for pity, or anything - I just hoped that it may help when Caroline is ready.

Thus - I do so much appreciate your comment, as I was feeling that perhaps I shouldn’t have written so much, and did actually feel a little self-indulgent, pehaps selfish, and that it may be perceived in the wrong way.

I am also not saying my ‘pain is worse’ - its not a competition!! :-) Just that we can all get through these times - that it’s about how we view these times, and also to allow ourselves to wallow in grief for awhile

- and then turn that negative into a postive and go for it with our new strengths!!!

Thanks again Rosie.

And Caroline, I do hope you are going ok. We are here for you
:-)
Meg

Megans last blog post..Stop for a Break Before its Too Late!

Caroline, I want to put my $02 in also. You are such a giving and warm person that love can’t help buy find you again. You will land on your feet and thrive in a relationship again. Good luck in your recovery and don’t be afraid at all to be personal with your approach that’s one thing that keeps us coming back.

Hey Caroline, it’s good to see you back here. Don’t worry bout lack of posting, jz be sure that you’re fine before you ran back to your hactic life… Take care

I’m sorry for what must feel like a loss to you Caroline…

But you will be well supported through this time and you can bet your bottom dollar this will not deter readers to your Blog.

Perhaps now the thirty day challenge is approaching again and you have come a full circle since launching this Blog… Your walls are crumbling to allow new growths and changes to take place.

All i can say Caroline is whatever you see of yourself now, whatever negativities and insecurities or questions of “why me?”

It will all make absolute sense to you in time, and i guarantee whatever one dimensional view you see today will be a complete reverse in time and a few weeks to come. Just allow your mind to stay open and try to evolve from misfortune instead of become narrow minded, bitter and twisted which some folk unfortunately do.

Whilst i agree that throwing yourself into work can sometimes help keep your mind busy and focussed on more productive issues, i don’t always think this is of benefit to us all of the time.

Its fine to evolve mentally and to develop your internet career and stay busy, but never forget that spiritual growth must match the other aspects of your life too. And relationships are just a big reflection of just that…

Perhaps take some time out… take a few weeks and let the grief work its way out of you, try on some new lenses, avoid the monitor screen and let the anxiety work itself out of you with exercise or a holiday/retreat somewhere with nature, thank god is summer time in Blighty and your not in some Winter daze.

And with regards to your relationship, well although its certainly not my business to offer such personal advise. i often think that the best thing to do when things crumble is to actually “let go”

The more you grasp something the more you push it away…

Letting go of things and learning to let go of what you think you want or need, or even disasters, or ill health can release you in so many other ways too…

Letting go is one of the best ways of fighting something - to surrender intentionally is noble too…

Whilst i am not saying surrender to illness when you are sick, i am saying surrender to beating yourself up about things and feeling negative. Don’t torture yourself in saying “oh but i should be great full for what i have, i have so many things and i’m so lucky”

Even this is the reflection of negativity - acting falsely positive is a reflection of negativity too. The secret is to be balanced and to eliminate all positive and negative thoughts and find the peace which exists between the 2.

You may remember my post 6 months ago about turning a negative into a positive - finding meaning in work etc?

Well this seems to me like the perfect time to take that opportunity Caroline…

The most profound times in my life were those times i actually grew the most and learn’t the most from.

They were never really the times when i was just coasting along in a happy go lucky dream with everything going right… It was the times where i was desperate and on a knifes edge of despair when i finally realized WOW - this is life and living - this is real.

The secret is using this powerful stuff - as it offers the most intuitive and insightful wisdom you can learn in life… It may be scary and most would choose ignorance or to avoid it like the plague, but Don’t! Don’t ever squander these diamond moments in the rough because the offer moments of truth when you can really look into that deep dark chasm of yourself and see someone staring back at you from the Void - you see the true you~!

Life can be wasted and taken for granted far to easily, we often spend hours, weeks and days in front of our computer screens, i know i do… Dreaming of making buckets of money to save the world and make meaning in my life! ahem….

But when family or life crisis takes action to remind us that there are other worlds of far more extreme suffering and we are a part of that too.

Well we will always be brutally reminded that time is precious and a balanced life is the key… ignorance is bliss until the proverbial bubble pops and we realize - we are vulnerable and decaying and life is a gift not to be squandered…

Anyways… on a less dramatic note!

When i feel tried and emotionally raped! or my mind is torn and crying out to all the angels of the stratosphere to help me, i simple find a quiet place and i retreat…

I sit upright, back straight. eyes shut…

And i Breath….long breaths>>>

Breath Deeply in and out following only your breath….

When thoughts intervene i simply acknowledge them and let them go.

(images will come - just bring your mind back to the breath the moment you notice them appear)

They will come again and again but focus on the breath and let the breath teach you so much. dont get angry or frustrated just learn to let them go, learn to control them.

Follow the breath like a wave breaks on the shoreline then meanders back into the ocean.

Concentrate on developing a smooth breath deep and keep it long, notice the changes and the gaps between inhalation and exhalation.

Find your self emerged in the intricacies and the infinite details of the breath and ride on just that.

There will be much to learn during this with just 10- 15 minute excecise, you will see just how uncontrollable the mind has evolved to be in this web2.0 silicone world.

How it needs to constantly be fed with data or to feed our10 000Htz refresh rate minds…you will catch glimpses of irrelevant and chaotic images of nonsense or whatever.

Just acknowledge this and LET GO each and every time.

Find the warm fuzzy spaces maybe a few seconds or even a minute when no thought elude and you realize that this place is really Life with control, when no external objects or ever changing mental waves or transient emotions can dictate you and knock you off your pedestal.

The breath also allows emotions to pass through, deep and long breaths will unblock many past emotions and help to take your anxiety away, especially before sleep.

One more exercise to try before sleep is focusing again on the breath but actually on your naval, rising and falling during your breath.

focus on the point in your body as this is also where a great deal of emotions are kept. just be aware of this point and direct your mind to it.

rising - falling - rising - falling

then when you become focussed add a 3rd area.

1.rising (inhale - focus on naval - belly button)
2.falling (exhale - focus on naval - belly button)

3.touching (feel your back against the surface of the bed and focus on only the whole body touching the surface- this is when you are not breathing in or out but in between deep and long breaths)

Then rinse and repeat and follow the breath through these 3 areas.

i wish you all the bes

but most of all don’t take life too seriously…

I remember a wise (dead) comedian once said…

Life is just a ride, a roller coaster that goes up and down, and the its fun at first but after a while we forget that we are just on this ride, and we take it serious!

Then other folk start taking the ride serious too and spreading all sorts of false and misleading thoughts and dogma that take us further into the dream and misconceptions of life and what just might make us happy etc…. But then if we are wise we wake up!

We remember childhood perhaps…

And you remember this is just a ride - and life is just a ride~!

The trick is to see the wake up calls for what they are and not some negative affirmation.

Warm Wishes
Daniel

P.S. If anyone feels they would benefit from free life coaching please don’t hesitate to IM me, im happy to help…
djlest_uk @ hotmail.com

@Megan, I sent you an email after your first comment, I do hope you got it. I truly appreciated your comment and found it very helpful. There is something I’d like to offer to you, if I may. A couple of days ago I heard from a woman called Jennifer Mannion who has healed herself of many physical ailments over the period of a year using the Law of Attraction. She sent me a free copy of her ebook which I have read. I am not in any physical pain (for which I am extremely grateful) so I cannot vouch for her ideas personally but she has a wonderful blog here which I invite you to visit: http://healpain.blogspot.com/

Also, check out a book / DVD called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay which is on the same subject and has a huge number of people who have healed themselves of diseases as serious as cancer. I watched the movie a few days ago and it was wonderfully uplifting.

With regards to relationships, I can see now that I used my new partner as a way of escaping having to deal with the pain and complications of the previous breakup and that was wrong. I would love to be in a relationship again but I have made the decision not to allow myself to do that until I reach a point where I feel happy and strong on my own. Right now, I would not date myself! I need to become the kind of person I would like to attract first, otherwise I’ll attract the wrong person or I will enter that relationship with insecurities and fear and sabotage it anyway.

And in response to your second comment, don’t worry I didn’t feel as though you were in ‘competition’ in any way! My mother always used to say to me “there’s always somebody worse off than you” and it’s so, so true and I know that. What I am starting to understand now (I wrote about this on my guest post on Steven’s blog) is that everybody’s problems are very real to them at the time and when in the deepest of the crisis the ‘perspective’ doesn’t help but as the pain begins to lessen, it does help. The worst is behind me now and I have an awful lot to be grateful for, including all the wonderful people who comment on this blog!

@Daniel, gosh where do I begin :-) Well I’ll begin with a thank-you for posting!

I am taking some time out. I spend most of my day now reading and watching inspiring and uplifting stuff. I have just had delivered a bunch of new books including the much recommended “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama. I am doing some work now but on a very much part-time basis.

I realise that all this has happened for a reason and if I am quite honest with myself, I am finally in a position of complete freedom. I was not happy in my long term realtionship that broke down last year and neither was the new relationship right for me. I jumped into it with my eyes closed. The problem with relationships is that they are not like cars. If you don’t like your car you can go and test drive other cars until you find a new one that you like and then you get rid of the old car. You can’t do that with people! (Well I guess some people do!) So in order to find true happiness you have to have the strength to break off the old relationships. My breakups have been forced upon me against my will but was it against my will or did I attract them really? This chaos is necessary for me to have the life that I *truly* want.

So…. I am using this time to figure out who I am and what I want once and for all. Of course I’m still hurting from the breakup - I fell in love with the wrong person and even though I know it wasn’t right long term, it still hurts and I’m sure it will do for a while. So I don’t hide from my feelings - I allow myself to feel them without wallowing in the past. I acknowledge them and then continue to look forward. I am slowly letting go of it, though I don’t think it happens overnight.

I also realise that I can feel pain whilst still being in a positive frame of mind. At first I thought that if I cried it meant that I was thinking negatively and that I would just continue to attract things to cry about but that’s not the case. I want to write a post about this point…

Thanks for the information on the breathing exercise, I shall try that at night times though thankfully the nightmares have stopped and I am starting to sleep better now. All the anxiety is now gone too.

Your already leaps and bounds away from that old initial Post up there….

Well done!

You have much respect, its never easy dusting yourself off and continuing things but your certainly up of the ground again now and utilizing time to its Max…

You are very much aware of yourself now and doing all the right things to progress and grow exponentially again.. sure its gonna hurt for a while - but dont waste that feeling or repress it - use it to direct you to further learning resources.

A great teacher is someone who is not afraid to be a student or to even be wrong and forever learning without concietedness.

Geat students are those whom are willing to see through many teachers eyes and open objective perspectives in order to view the whole but never the complete…

You are without a doubt “very whole” and a great mentor and student to us all - despite what you may feel at times.

The secret is to play both roles - and become the noble master!

The question now is how to full fill that temporary whole with something thats permanent and securely you!

You are a very logical thinker which could be viewed as (right brain) which of course is excellent for IM and computing businesses as such…

Perhaps wise however not to forget the more subtle flavors of the Left brain and feed her when she needs attention, both are needed to compliment the other half and keep us on middle earth.

The laws of attraction which you spoke about are certainly interesting but hard to see from day to day at times - Until of course you take a big look into your past and all the pieces of that puzzle begin to fit and make sense

Some of the things i personally used to think about most when i was younger or even a child, such as travel, animals, the East, exotic people etc and temples etc.

Well they were just thoughts back then and dreams on a vast sea of possibilities, but 30 years later and i stop and think and oh!

Here i am living in a jungle style house in secluded solitude with all sorts of interesting nature in exotic Thailand and with a native partner.

What i m trying to confirm is (the thoughts you send out from the past) (the dreams and affirmations of your past) its amazing to see how they seem to filter and reflect through time.

As we are attract these very things from thoughts to physical manifestations in later life.

I guess if you want to change your future you would be wise to look into your past with some mental google analytics or similar thinking and voila… Life’s canvas can be re worked…

As you mentioned the end of a relationship can certainly be a huge release and a great opportunity for freedom and growth.

When i was younger (early twenties etc) i was seriously getting dumped left right and center and i would attract the most monsterous girl friends… and i do mean that!

I certainly wont go into the gruesome details here…

But In fact it took me 5 serious relationship and 1000 levels of hell before i finally surrendered to ignorance and woke up to who i really was and what i was attracting…

I was going after characteristics in people and things that made me feel happy and fed my pride or what i felt i needed at that time on a superficial level.

Of course this is just doomed for disaster and an inevitable crash..

10 years later and im so greatful i was dumped or cheated on…

This may sound absurd but they actually set me free and gave me lessons that no school or self help book ever could in facing the real human issues.

however i did see myself in many ways in danger of repeating the things others had done to me -

But even repeating the wrongs that others had done to me that too helped me forgive others for what they had done to me - but also realise how wrong it was and to stop right there without becoming the things we oppose.

Because i learned to see things with more dimensions and less hostility and one sidedness and selfishness… its set me free!

but back then i wouldn’t have seen that in a million years….

Relationships are opportunities to grow and learn about yourself, then when that learning stops or you both go different ways… If you can gracefully let go and move on whilst still learning.. then sometimes that is not such a bad thing.

Perhaps your blessed and your out of jail free card just sent you back to “go”

There is nothing to be ashamed of or guilty of in this.. the secret is making sure you learn enough from each one, and not feeling hurt or bitter so that your scared of future relations.

I see people getting older yet still single because they are scared of hurting again and growing old without taking any risks.

If i ask them “are they with a GF/BF yet?” They often reply “no - because they are still looking for Mr/Mrs Right and have been doing so all their lives but still waiting for that white horse to arrive.

Some will meet someone and at the first signs of imperfection or when the post honey moon blues kick in they are outta there…

perhaps….

learn to feel comfortable alone,
learn to be completely emotionally Dependant.
learn to be happy on your own…
learn to go out and do stuff on your own

and use that freedom and time to grow just the way you want too…

Then…when you have mastered the art of being alone, that lesson will not be pending any longer and the next chapter of relationships will automatically enter into your arena…

In my experience, the secret is not falling in love with someone who is easy to love or because we enjoy the feeling of having someone always there.

I really need someone who Shares the same “ideas of growth” and underlying motives as Myself…

That would allow a strong foundation that keeps you together when the real hard times come because you share the same openess and understanding of growth… and your not scared nor blind of exterior challenges when they come to threaten you both.

Love yourself and care for your self but most of all “learn about youself” and always keep your eyes and heart open and forever learning…- academically and spiritually.

And you will attract these exact same people.

Don’t pluck the low hanging fruit just cos you “think” your hungry…

Then when you feel ready and perhaps least expecting it…

The next pages will turn and if you fertilized your self sufficiently during the dry season - then you can expect some wondrous fruits next time around…

anyways time for lunch!
Bon Voyage…

@Daniel, thanks again, you have a lovely way with words, “mental google analytics” and “fertilized yourself” lol :-) I am indeed doing much fertilization at the moment and learning a lot in the process!

Thank you for responding Caroline - you have no idea how relieved I was to ’see’ you! And I am happy that my comment helped, even just a little and that you took it in the spirit that it was intended (as noted in other comment above)

- everything is relative. everyone’s pain is real - and I am certainly interested to read your article on the Law of Attraction - interesting to hear you also wrote about perspective etc!.

Well, I don’t want to ‘ramble’ on again, but try to tell a PhD that! (after 4 years of having to do extremely thorough research and detailed writing, its hard keeping things short! he he :) (even though I did work for Govt for a few years, - that didn’t help! So I am taking 2 corporate and technical writing courses, to help me with my future ‘freelance writing career’ - wish me luck!

- but I digress. I do want to thank you for your advice to help me! Here I am trying to support you, and I end up getting great support from you!

Perhaps I ‘attracted’ this :-)
Maybe I needed it without realising it - I am certainly interested in having a look at Jennifer Mannion’s site (let me know what her book is like?) - and will try to find the other book you refer to. Anything! I am open to all miracles. Apparently though, we are all ‘perfect’ now.

I think life just covers us with ’seaweed’!! he hee :-)
(I wrote about this on my blog - there is also another breathing exercse there too, as Daniel gives you one above - its a simple one - on the front/main page of the blog)

hmm - musn’t forget - this is an internet marketing blog!!!!! But then again, as noted in original comment, mindset is an important part of succeeding online - so it is all relevant. I hope you see this? And I hope you see that this is what also attracts a lot of your readers here too - not just the lessons and strategies you learn and share with us, but how your personal life and mindset can affect the process.

I tried to reply last night, but was quite ill from chemotherapy - did reply to another comment, but …. eek, yukky sick ‘poo pah!’ he he :)
- so its taken me awhile to get back here (although my ‘computer’ has been keeping your site company for awhile!) :)

I don’t know why, but just knowing that you had replied, etc - it gave me an added ‘push’ to force myself out of bed today, to try and get strength up some more - I will speak to you more about this if find email, if ok :-) I have a few questions to ask you too, if ok, but do understand if you are not feeling up to it though

Thanks again for the info./advice/healing blog and book - will certainly have a look at these. - and I am pleased to hear that you are also reading Eckhart Tolle and “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama. I read ‘The Art of Happiness’ years ago, and wish I had a copy to read again - it was fantastic.

I haven’t read the ‘New Earth’ (and am still trying to get the audios to play on Oprah’s site), but I have read Eckhart’s earlier - ‘The Power of Now’, which I found almost life-changing, during a time when I just felt like giving up.

I don’t take on ‘everything’ I read - just what helps. That’s all we need to do.

As Daniel says above - you have moved ahead in ‘leaps and bounds’ already! Daniel does certainly have a way with words and some nuggets of wisdom, which i took away too!

Well done - and it certainly helps to have support. I am so pleased you are feeling free too, and its great to know that yes, we can cry, but that its not necessarily negative, nor will it attract negative events into our lives.

Relationships are complex things, and I know I have been guilty of pushing people away inthe past before they hurt me, because of past experiences. Still - I wish I was in one! Its a wonderful and sacred thing to be able to share your life and thoughts/feelings with another person :)

Our experiences will influence our future relationships, so this time for you is vital. And you truly are being wise about the whole process. As you say -

“I need to become the kind of person I would like to attract first, otherwise I’ll attract the wrong person or I will enter that relationship with insecurities and fear and sabotage it anyway.” this can be a real danger, I have discovered and noted above too…

Yes, you are wise beyond your years - its wonderful to meet someone who is as self -aware as you are Caroline.
Many people just ‘carry on’ and never analyse why things don’t work, etc. I don’t know if you were ‘escaping’ the pain of the first breakup in entering this 2nd relationship - its always hard to tell -whether a relationship is a ‘rebound’ one, or a true one.

Clearly in this case, it wasn’t right - I also fell into one of these, when I was more healthy. But perhaps in a way, the 2nd relationship was a good thing, as it gave you a ‘buffer’ zone of time, which you may have needed to deal with the first breakup from a long relationship - perhaps you will be able to deal with things much more effectively than you might have done, without this 2nd relationship (again, not saying that it doesn’t hurt though - the pain is awful, and almost physical in nature)

We don’t want to become overanaytical ‘during’ a relationship of course - but if we can enter one with a healthy state of mind, like you are doing now, in finding yoursefl more - this is wonderful - and you will certainly be a beautiful person to be with (not that you already aren’t - but when you are ready, and meet that special someone) :-)

… rambling megan!!! :0)

well… hoping to go and read your Law of Attraction article, then check my emails if energy holds up …..

BTW I have 3 free audio workshops on the Law of Attraction on my blog if you are interested - they really are quite good and not ‘fluffy’. Very workshop like and quite lengthy.

If you go to the front/main page of my blog and scroll right down to the bottom of the page, there is the ‘Goodies Basket’ embedded - you can either download or listen to the audios to online - the workshops are with Michael Losier - who takes you step by step through the process - just thought you might be interested - perhaps have a listen online and if you like them, then download them - let me know if you have any problems …

Anyway - so much for me not ‘rambling’! :-]
Hope to email you soon my friend
Meg

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@Megan, one of the ways in which I came to the conclusion that it’s okay to feel sad and yet still be attracting good things is from the response from the blogosphere to my recent posts. I have attracted so many nice comments and have got in touch with many wonderful people during this time. So yes, maybe you attracted the very same thing!

Feel free to email me, I’m feeling MUCH better this week and have been doing more work than I expected to. Last week I felt like I was going backwards but over the weekend it started to tip the other way and now I feel like I’m going forwards, faster and faster every day.

I have never been as aware before as I am now. I first started the journey towards personal development back in 2001 when I first discovered the book ‘Think and Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill but at the time I wasn’t ready for that book and I didn’t understand it. It took me another 5 years to start turning my life around but over the last few months I felt like I had a massive breakthrough by discovering the Law of Attraction. Though of course when my first relationship broke down I didn’t understand what had happened and thought LoA must be rubbish! However, this year, and especially this last month after the second breakup I’ve had many ‘aha’ moments and now feel like I have opened a new door into a greater level of awareness then I have ever experienced before. It’s actually pretty exciting!

I’ve been reading your blog archives Megan, and I’ll check out your goodie basket too :-)

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