Not Again! My Personal Life in Crisis

Hi Caroline,
Oh I am so sad to hear this. I can relate to being in that terrible dark place. I had a complete breakdown when my last relationship ended but that’s a whole other story. Just so you know that someone is out there who know’s what that awful anxiety feels like etc etc.
First off - don’t beat yourself about the head re: the law of attraction. I think the universe also understands that sometimes we need to scream, shout, cry, stamp our feet and get damn angry! When we hurt we can’t force ourselves to be happy. Let the intense rush of loss pass first. It’s like being wounded; if we don’t have time to lick our wounds they tend to fester. Unseen hands are always there to catch you, even when you don’t see them x
Your blog will still be here when you want to write and so will your readers.

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Aw, hell! I’m so sorry for your loss and so very sorry for how it makes you feel. I can barely stand it when crappy stuff piles on top of other crappy stuff and suddenly your whole life feels like a mountain of crappy stuff. I’ve been there and I would not believe anyone (over 30) who says they haven’t. Take some time to heal and you will find that eventually the crap-mountain gets so small that you can leave it behind and move forward with strength, grace and confidence.

You don’t have to love being single to attract a healthy relationship. You just have to love YOU as much as the rest of us who only virtually know you do. This may take a month or a year. There’s no right path to take, there’s just YOUR path.

Rest, cry, write, eat ice cream and chocolate, preferably together. And try watching some comedy in-between episodes of 24! Take Lily’s words to heart - we will be here for you!!

I am sorry to hear this…Can I suggest a book called ‘New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle. It is a good read…But one suggestion Caroline - one can read as many books as one wants but the change in the mindset will not occur until one makes a conscious decision that they want the change, they deserve the change - and the strength to make this decision has to come from inside - from you. And one more thing - You can never ‘change’ situations like this - We just have to accept it - Acceptance is the key - this is what will lead to happiness. Caroline, I hope you don’t mind my being so honest with you…

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I’ve only read a few of your posts (and find them very helpful), so I can’t speak to your whole history, but I can suggest that it sounds exactly like what a friend of mine is going through as a new (surprised) widow. Your love was taken from you in its prime, you feel lost and abandoned and angry and hopeless and can’t see anything but what you had and the unfairness of it all. Instead of looking to blame (which is natural), please look into grief counseling. Approach this tough time as if your 10-year-partner had been ailing and dying of an unknown cancer; when that died you were in shock — then you met this new and wonderful love — and they’ve just been lost in an awful accident — taken away without you having any say.

You must grieve; it’s a necessary process. There are trained pros to help guide you through it so you can come out the other end and not lose your own life in the process. Find one, join the group, deal with the loss, forgive all involved, and start the next chapter as a widow who WILL find fulfillment and love again.

Good luck.

Caroline, I’m sure sorry this has happened to you. Give yourself a break and allow yourself go through the grieving process. It sucks but it’s the only way to heal.

Rule of thumb is give it one month for every year of the relationship. I know you were ready to get out of your previous one, but even so, there’s a healing period.

I was married for 17 years, and the last several were misery, but it still took me about 1.5 years to get my head on straight - although at the time I though I was just fine.

Hang in there, you’ll make it. Growth is painful, but worth it in the long run.

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Caroline, it takes a lot of guts to post something like this. I don’t really know you nor do I know the details of your relationships, but I wanted to comment on a couple of things you said.

You said you “have to be happy with being single”. I understand what you are getting at, but I think that is the wrong way to look at it. Obviously, by your statements, you do not want to be single, so being single will not make you happy. However, you might be able to improve your mood and gain some happiness from the fact that 1) You were apparently in a relationship that was bad, or just not the right person, or whatever. It’s good that it is over now, rather than having that bad relationship drag out. and 2) You now have the opportunity to start looking for a better relationship. Think of the wonderful experiences you will enjoy as you meet new people and eventually grow closer to someone special.

I guess my point is, do not try to lie to yourself about single life making you happy. Instead, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation and the opportunity you have before you. That is where honest happiness will come from.

Hi Caroline I am sorry to hear that life has become so difficult again. I have an idea for you if you are open to it.

First of all, in the past I went through a lot as well and it is with a great sigh of relief I found a mentor who changed my whole vision on life and has made everyday (no matter what the circumstances) more of a joy than a trial. His name is Eckhart Tolle and his books have transformed me.

He has written several books but since you maybe understandably skeptical, there is a way to listen to his profound yet simple teachings for free online. I am not a huge fan of Oprah by any means but I have to give her credit, she saw the value in Eckhart’s teachings and created a comprehensive video series that is free to access. Just go and download the New Earth web classes. Try the first one and see if it works for you.

That is my bit of advice and although it is unsolicited I hope you give at least one of the shows a shot. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and will come away from even one feeling a lot better.

Cheers,
Ross

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When castles crumble, mourn not their passing, but rejoice in their former splendor.

Only then will you see beyond the rubble.
-Mitch

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Hello Caroline - I am so sorry to hear about this new turn of events - I never like to hear of sad things happening to good people - especially people who are obviously trying to do good in their daily life.

You mention The Secret - I can tell anyone from experience that the message of The Secret is true, the more good you genuinely feel and focus on, the more good comes into your life. However you can’t pretend, you can’t fake it. The thing is you have to FEEL your feelings whatever they are and be honest with yourself and say ok I really feel like shit right now (or whatever).

Mostly because bad feelings feel bad we kind of avoid feeling them and look for ways to keep from feeling them. I think last time when you wrote your first post - by writing that post you went ahead and felt your feelings and after that you were able to begin letting them go. Maybe this post will do the same thing. Maybe by writing this out you will be able to really feel what is there and then begin to let it go.

Also, one thing The Secret mentions is that sometimes things that feel bad might feel bad but are really in the long run bringing us closer to our highest and best good. I know this is weird to think about (and I mentioned in a comment on your first break up post that I have been where you are ) Anyway, like I said this may be weird to think about but what if your wonderful, happy, glorious feelings in this last relationship have actually set the universe in motion to bring you an even higher and better good ???

I know it doesn’t feel like it now. When I was tossed aside by my first husband (after a 20 year marriage) for a woman who was 12 years younger with a pretty face and big “juicy” boobs :-) I felt that I had no choices open to me and I might as well just end my journey here. Then a friend said, “You do have One choice.” and I said, “What choice is that?” and he said, “You can choose to trust what is happening now. You can choose to trust the process. Your can choose to trust that your Life has a Life of its own and it is taking you where you have wanted to go since the day you got here.”

just something to think about, Love and Prayers, Megan

Everything balances out in life and for every setback, there’s multiple opportunities and doors that open.

I know it’s not easy, but life does go on and you’re talented enough to overcome all obstacles.

Stay positive!

I am so sorry to hear about what’s happening in your personal life. I don’t know how to say this without sounding dorky but I feel very close to you.

I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and I have learned so much from you but when I read the post about playing in the sand I realized that the real reason I always rejoice when I see your name in my inbox has nothing to do with marketing …

It’s just because I like you so much as a person. You are so open and honest and brave and I just feel like the world is so much a better place because you are in it.

I have been struggling to get it together since the death of my father and I am sometimes so embarrassed about what a mess I have been lately. Reading your blog always makes me feel a little less lost.

All I can say is that you are a beautiful wonderful woman and I know that there is someone out there with a “you shaped” hole in her heart, waiting for you to come into her life.

It’s hard but you just have to give yourself permission to keep “playing with the sand” for a while longer… Watch more tv, etc… I’ve been reading junky murder mysteries and playing games on FaceBook for the last month, so I’ve become an expert on “the sand!”

I hope you are able to take comfort in knowing that so many of your readers care so much about you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

From someone going through a “midlife crisis” herself… I can totally relate. I understand the challanges life can offer up sometimes.

“Its the most challenging things that we learn the most from” -my friend keeps telling me that and as much as a cliche as it is, its true.

I understand that the last thing you want to do is learn a lesson from feeling like crap.. but you need to be able and step back and see the bigger picture. And even though you do feel in pain and closed off to the world.. you are not. You have people right here.. who have gone through the same thing you have. Same fear, same anxiety, same loss.

So… sit up.. look around…find something to enjoy (and not just take your mind off the pain). go twitter.. go meet people… go blog about all the crap… go give your heart again to people, animals, friends, etc., go figure out what you can give and not what need from others.

And when you are ready… we will be here.. we are here :)

This might seem overly simplistic, but it’s actually quite powerful: As soon as you feel able to, dive in and FEEL. Try doing that while breathing deeply and consciously, which will help you move through the emotions that come up.

I know the pain sucks but there’s a reason you brought this same type of experience into your life twice in one year — and that you’re sharing it in public. IMHO, the Law of Attraction isn’t about just being happy so you can stay happy. It’s about attracting that which the soul needs to grow, so you can move forward.

If you allow yourself to really feel what caused you to manifest this in your life, it might just give you answers that will keep you from having to repeat it. Remember, what we resist persists.

You’re a strong, brave woman who created this for a reason. Not only will you get through it, but I predict this experience will probably open doors you never expected.

You are a very honest person.

I wish I could make you feel better, but I can’t. I can only offer cliches: time does heal, and pain is, unfortunately, a big part of life.

Hang in there. It WILL get better.

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Caroline - I’m sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time.

It seems most people need to wait a while before getting involved with someone again after a breakup - especially if the first relationship lasted a long time.

I believe the experts would say you need time to grieve the loss of the first relationship before you should start another. Not that they know everything, but with this they are probably right.

Life will get better again.

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I took a lot of courage to post this. One of the things I love about your blog is the personal dimension you bring to it.

Please, please take some time off from the blog and StumbleRush. For some reason, we treat emotional injury differently that physical injury, but both require a period of convalescence. We’ll still be here.

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Caroline,

Just be still for a while. You were right on about playing with sand. Focus on some itty bitty things that make you feel that some day the golf balls won’t be so huge.

What wisdom I can manage: Every day has only 24 hours in it. I’ve been through some awful stuff myself, but still each day was only 24 hours long, and then the next one comes, and you get to make decisions about that one, or let it wash over you, too. There is nothing wrong with letting some days wash over you.

You’ll get to the next place soon. Right now, just let it be.

Regards,

Kelly

Kellys last blog post..Because the Side of my Head Has Been Sore for 25 Years: Prize Time!

I do admire you for being so honest on your blog. I suffer from crippling anxiety and mood disorders and can sympathize with what your going through.

I just starting a wordpress blog; paid for hosting and felt so ill I couldn’t leave the house. Prolonged anxiety can lead to other mental illness - for me, it became depression and agoraphobia.

Its hard to focus mental energy on healing and blogging when your not getting enough sleep, or food. With me, even when I fell asleep I’d nightmare and wake through the night on the verge of an attack.

I’ve managed to beat the anxiety somewhat. Even though I’ve never commented on this blog before, if you want some help (this goes for any blogger) feel free to contact me.

That being said, you really need processes in place for when your personal life dominates the professional. This happens in all jobs and with differing circumstances - family members becoming ill, etc.

Perhaps this could be a useful time to use some of the guest posts you’ve been sent?

I also use dragon naturally speaking during the daytime when my brains too fractured for form long posts. I also reverted back to my essay days, doing the posts in dot point, and then spending time changing the tone to conversationalist. Another possibility is using a digital voice recorder to talk out your worries if you can’t sleep - though I live alone, without any other ears.

I got an email from Yaro about the blog Mastermind reopening; it could be a good time to summarize how thats gone for you and plug the new link. Congratulations on being one of his top affiliates by the way!

Caroline,
No one’s ever going to be perfect. It sounds like you kinda setup that pretense with this last partner how you described her as an ‘angel from heaven’.

You really need to remember that you are an individual. And ties between people, whether friends or partners, ebb and flow. You can’t let yourself fall to pieces over it cause it’s not entirely in your control. That’s the difference between the rocks and the sand on the beach. Sit strong.

You’ll be fine soon enough. ;)

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Enjoy your own company and you will never be lonely.

Caroline,
You have a very supportive group around you. Hopefully their caring will ease the emotional pain and you can grow through the process. Things usually happen for a reason and I am sure you will be a better person (not that you are not a good one already) as you take positive steps froward in your life.

Slainte,

John

there are wisdoms behind everything that happened to us
dont worry
stay positive
evrythings gonna be okay
soon or later
believe it! =)

Hi Caroline,

I can only imagine what it would be like to loose a relationship in the stage you were in. I remember the incredible intensity and elation of the honeymoon phase. To have this taken away would have completely gutted me.

The only thing I have found that helps me at times like this is to be as kind to myself as I can. For me: warm baths, going for walks, easting caramels.

My thoughts are with you.
Evan

Evans last blog post..S & M

Hi Caroline,
I’ve been reading your blog for some time and watched you go through all the ups and downs and I really feel for you.

The same thing happened to me a few years ago. A long term relationship fell apart and I was devastated even though I knew it was for the best. And then I met someone else and fell head over heels for them. We were wrong for each other, but I dismissed the warnings and got hurt real bad when it all came crashing down.

At that point, I went through bad anxiety attacks just like you and I had a black hole deep inside I thought would never heal. Even now, a few years later, thinking about that time can still bring that black hole back - but only for a while.

I know what you mean about trying to be happy to be single. If you are like me - someone who has always been in some form of relationship, being single is hard. I have to admit, I found it impossible to maintain.

When I did find my (now) partner, I was paranoid for months that this relationship would not last and sometimes I still am, but I (usually ;) ) keep those feelings to myself.

I have no wise words to say on this. Time does heal and things which happen can be said to happen for the best. I hope so anyway.

Just to say I know what you are going through right now and I’m sorry.

Hey Caroline,
Well it’s not a good year for a lot of people I know. Hang in there, you’re a tough gal I think you’ll be alright. Maybe you should just try being by yourself for a little while, that always worked for me.

We all face loss, anxiety, insecurity.

We must learn to adapt and cope.

To survive.

With our sanity intact.

I blogged about how doctors die a little - every day!

http://MoneyPowerWisdom.com/doctors-die-a-little-every-day/

Hope things get better soon, Caroline.

All success
Dr.Mani

Hi Caroline,

If “the rebound” wasn’t so common, and so easy to fall into, it wouldn’t have a name.

Unfortunately, we have to take the time to process the stuff from a relationship breakup before we’re capable of sustaining a new one. If we don’t, we just end up with 2 lots of stuff to deal with at once :(

Processing the stuff is hard, and it hurts. BUT, I can tell you from my own experience that it is so worth it. There is a huge amount to be learned from a broken relationship so we don’t have to make the same mistakes in the next one (we get to make new ones instead, of course!). I would never have believed that, at almost 50 years old, I could completely remake parts of my inner and outer life that had been messed up since my teens. Did, though. I’m now making up for lost time :)

You said it yourself, from the comments on your post about the last breakup: time is what’s needed. I hope you get the opportunity to take the time this time.

warm regards

Kevin

Keep the faith Caroline. It is…as it is!

What that means (to me) is that things happen, they don’t mean anything until we decide what they mean. You can decide that what has happened means something negative or something positive. It is up to you.

We all get to choose what the things that happen in our life mean to us. So if you are going to choose, choose consciously.

Hope you find the way to a better space soon.

Guru Bob

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Dear Caroline,

Can I suggest you pray to God for everything and at anytime?

Cheers,
Codrut Turcanu - “Succeeding Against All Odds!”

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Caroline, my wife and I really wishes the best for you. Don’t let things like this stop you from living on your life. Shit happens and no one can stop it. We have to be strong and live on.

Hope everything turns out fine.

-Mike & Michelle

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Caroline,

I haven’t visited for some time, but I’ve subscribed to your blog and I’m still following you.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Life doesn’t always play the game according to our rules. But you’ve definitely got to take the time to lick your wounds and get better. You’ll learn more about yourself, and you’ll become stronger.

Many many warm wishes,
Nadine

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Caroline, I will not give big advises. Only…. let yourself go with the flow. Don’t think too much. Concentrate on what you do and you will see, you will come up finally with something good and sensible.

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Dear Caroine
Your honesty and openness are unbelievable. It’s so difficult to continue working when you feel your head is in pieces, so many of us have been there we can identify with that. As for the answer - that’s a really difficult one.
One small thing that you mention - the lack of sleep. With the type of work you do your concentration is really important. it’s only a small suggestion I’m going to make - get out for a long walk while we have nice weather here in the uk. Find open spaces, fields, lakes, woods. I find that I can continue to mull things over but the countryside makes me relax a little - especially when i’m in woods for some reason. The exercise will definitely help with the sleep. You may find that you feel you have achieved something small by taking the exercise and that will help a little with the mood. Of course the exercise should also help you to sleep better.
It’s only a small idea - maybe it will help, maybe it won’t. Whichever way I do hope you’re feeling better soon Caroline.
You take good care of yourself - and get your mum to spoil you with some good home cooking!

Did you try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)? It can quickly help you to overcome anxiety. http://www.emofree.com

Hi Caroline,

I know how you feel when someone close to you leaves so suddenly. May I suggest indulging in things that help you to keep you me level headed.

For me I like to do the following:
Watching my favorite comedians via YouTube or DVD movie
Robin Williams and Jerry Lewis amongst others.

Listening to music, music and even more music.. Linkin Park or Classical. It all depends on if I want to get into an upbeat mood or just sit back and relax!

Most of all is to SHARE your grief with others, as you are doing now.

Love yourself, love being single and give yourself some time to heal and become stronger.

I have the opposite problem I am fiercely independent and love surround myself with many male friends who have similar interests due my ‘Tomboyish’ nature.

Caroline just take everything one step at a time for your own sake.

Peace to you,

Nancy
London, UK

Caroline, get ahold of yourself. You got to realise that the world hasn’t end. You have much more to live for, so shrug the past off, and look ahead! All the best. I hope you’ll recover and get back to your normal self asap! :)

Hello Caroline

I subscribe to your blog, read it regularly, but rarely post.

There is a wonderful book which you should get called “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke. There are 10 small letters filled with such wisdom and guidance that are forever relevant regardless of generation.

“To love constantly and far into a lifespan is indeed aloneness, heightened and deepened aloneness for one who loves.”

We are all alone in what is intimate and important to us. Yet we are all part of your virtual family. You need to go within and endure this time - take a break, we will still be here.

When your mental software has processed all this hurt, your hardware will drive you further up life’s mountain!

Ah.. Don’t be embarrased to vent all these out. It’s better to let it all out than keep it in. And all these people that cares for you might be able to help you and let you know there’s other people that worries for you =D Hope you could recover and sort everything out soon.

You will get better and stronger after all this. Just take a few days off.

Rest. Nurture yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to everybody else. We’ll wait for you.

Any relationship break up is tough whether is through a mutual spilt, one sided spilt or through death. People do not realize how hard and time consuming the make money online business is. It is even harder for you with the course and the different websites you run. You have been very helpful to me and your hard work is appreciated. Take time off and write when you feel the need. Your emotional well being is more important than any website, online course or make money online blog.

Regards, Gregory

aih.. relationship problem can only be cure by time or another relationship. *hugs* my blessing be with u. all the best

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Dear Caroline,

I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. I’m 22 and this happened to me (snatching a relationship when things were “great”) when I was 14. Puppy love or not, it still hurt.

I have a few perspectives for you to consider.

1. Maybe the universe is telling you that you rushed things and is saving you from burying your feelings by piling on a new relationship too soon?

2. I can’t speak for a 10 year relationship (I’m with someone for a hair less than a year so it’s totally different) but that is a LONG time and a lot of emotional growth. You don’t get over that too quick (as I’m sure you’re aware).

3. When our vision is clouded, angels can appear when in actuality they are demons. Maybe the universe saved you from that person having an affair since you are emotionally in pain?

4. The night is darkest in the hours right before dawn.

5. You have ~40 comments on this post alone so people are feeling your pain. The collective well wishing will improve your life (whether you call it prayer or whatever…that energy is there).

6. You have impacted many people so it’s ok to lean on people. 40 peopl have made themselves available (I’d be delighted to talk to you whether by phone or email…b/c you have impacted me).

7. I might suggest that you stay single for a while so you can heal and be OK with being alone. You must truly love yourself before you can love someone else.

8. A quote from Ghandi might be in order…”Be the change you want to see in the world.” I think volunteering is the way you are manifesting this idea.

9. About you saying working with people with “real problems”… your problems ARE REAL. Just because they aren’t socio-economic doesn’t mean they aren’t real. They are intangible and some of the most amazing or deplorable aspects of humanity are intangible (love, hate, racial slurs, etc) so they are, arguably, the most strong in their effects.

I really hope you can email me. I would love to chat and help you out. Helping others has helped me deal with my own problems. Everyone experiences this and you are to be honored and respected for sharing your personal life with the readers.

Cheers!

Brad Spencer

Wow, Caroline! I’ve been reading the comments you’ve received and there is so much wisdom in them. Guru Bob is a true guru!

I might add… let yourself off the hook. Give yourself permission to feel everything are feeling because what’s the alternative? Feeling bad and on top of it, feeling bad about feeling bad! Now that’s dark!

I’m sending you some good vibes!

Caroline,

The advice from others was great, but I have to add my two cents. The hardest lesson I had to learn–happiness is something you make for yourself. It cannot depend on others. Women tend to want it to be about their partner. They think it is up to their partner to make them happy. It is not. The benefit that you get is that a person who does not rely on others to be happy will have good relationships.

Here is another bit of wisdom. Look for what you should have learned from the relationship. Your on earth to learn. What are you supposed to be learning that perhaps you have not? You may be repeating the same mistakes.

I have three daughters so I have been called upon to give this kind of advice occasionally. Unfortunately, you are the only one who can heal you. My blessings. Pat

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Caroline,

I read your blog fairly regularly but never have posted.
I went through a similar situation with my work, not a personal relationship.
I was deeply affected by the Hollywood Writer’s Strike during the winter.
Lots of us literally had our livelihoods taken away and had no income and although personal relationships are a bit different I can certainly relate. That’s what sort of led me to learn about MMO. Anyway, it was devastating for many of us who depend on jobs in Hollywood and it finally passed. It was the worst part of my entire career. I’m sure even though it’s hard to go through this too will pass for you. I hope this helps somewhat.

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Anxiety sucks. I have the opposite and same problem. I have a wonderful home life and relationship with problematic work environment at the moment. Just when I think the anxiety is all encompassing, it disappears. Sure it returns, but I never know when it will disappear or reappear.

So - like a splinter in my backside, I just learn to live with it. I now imagine the very worst situation, then think of what I would still have if the worst case occurred. Suddenly, perspective is born.

Dear Caroline,
I am so sorry to hear about your relationship, but as you have said yourself “Time Is A Healer”, to be frank, life is shit, I am sorry to say it but it is true, Life is shit, I have suffered from depression since my mother pasted away, I know how you can feel so sad, but time is a healer I feel better as the days go past and so will you.

If you need someone to talk to caroline, you can email me.

Hugh

Wow Caroline,
You have me in tears, I really feel for you. Life can be a real pain.
Sometimes you wonder how could I do this again.

As you know there is LOA. “The science of getting more of what you do want and less of what you don’t”

What I have found is that I had to go in and learn to really love myself, and learn to forgive me and be selfish ( self-care)

Someone has suggested A new Earth, a wonderful healer and will help you move out of the Pain Body. I wrote how this helped me . The Oprah series , which was brilliant, is still available too at oprah.com

Caroline happy to work through a simple process with you on skype if you like, also about to put the process into simple e-book.

be with what it, and know you will come out stronger in the end. Look at the courage to write this and put it out there.

Also you must celebrate the little wins, like your ranking yesterday of 26 I think in top 100 business blogs- small comfort, but look at the good you do for others in this wonderful blog world. Don”t you just love some parts of living online.:)

I am sending you an angel blessing, which I will put up over at Abundance Highway later today

Hugs and blessings

Suzie

Caroline
You have mo shortage of good advice here. And no shortage of friends who are surrounding you with love. You must be doing something right to attract all of that!
I would only add: good wine, good chocolate - treat yourself and savour the moments.
Sympathy and hugs.
You’ll make it.

Des

Des Walshs last blog post..links for 2008-05-17

Hey Caroline, it’s a real bummer to hear that. People are weird, she must have been stolen by aliens and had a brain transplant. I only know you from reading your blog these past six or so months, but it’s blindingly clear how super cool you are! :-)

I’m no stranger to anxiety - I hear it’s pretty commonly associated with creativity! - strangely enough I’ve found natural treatment to be the best.

Someone earlier mentioned good exercise and that’s my biggest tip. Get thee to a gym! I recently joined Curves (it’s a gym for people who hate the gym - ie me) and when I actually do my three sessions a week, I’m surprised at how spontaneously happy I get - plus I’m trimmer and my posture rocks. Even when I have no reason to (and reasons to feel like crap) I find myself smiling purely because of the endorphins being pumped around.

Meditation is also amazing. After a good one hour session, I can feel the effects for several days after. I find a teacher that focuses on relaxation and breathing first the best if it’s for the purpose of calming anxiety.

I think both exercise and meditation help insomnia. Breathing also helps - just focussing on breathing from the diaphragm slowly - ignore other thoughts - just go back to the breathing - I find puts me to sleep. And it’s good to know that I’m doing something restorative anyway even if I don’t sleep.

It’s important to be strict on keeping a regular routine as far as waking up goes and bizarrely enough, eating (especially your last meal, it should be at least 3 hours from when you go to sleep).

And lastly, don’t stress out about sleeping but make sure you are in the position to at the right time. Ie in bed. Read a book until you start to drop off (and then allow yourself to drop of instead of keep on reading). If you are waking up early, after a few days your body should start responding.

Hang in there!

Anyway, that’s just some stuff that’s helped me - hope you or any of the other readers find it slightly useful!

Hi congrats Caroline. You succeeded in getting the attention of your blog readers. am i wrong?
This really helped you create a relationship which is much more than just online readers.
You are practising Strategies for improving ties with visitors and improve your “impact” upon people.
SUch personal things if projected rightly help a lot. Eventually you will see a jump in your Ebook sales if u start promoting it in few days. Good luck.. I hope u succeed..

Caroline

In the ultimate analysis, we all are just humans with very limited control over our destiny. No matter how much we try to save such things, they happen and shake us. And we watch helplessly as anxiety and disappointment overtake us.

I know it would not be worthwhile to offer any advice to you as I don’t know much about how painful this experience has been for you. However, may be this article on coping with shattered dreams can be of some help to you.

http://tiny.cc/dreams

Regards

Hi Caroline,
I think you’re on the right track to recovery. Bear in mind “this too shall pass”. My Mom recently finished attending a 10-week online course with Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle, bestseller author of “the power of now” and ” a new earth”. I recommend you read these books to help you out in this situation, it happens to everybody; the way you react to it makes the whole difference. I want to congratulate you on quitting your job and achieving success and making your dreams come true. Mama also wants to have an income from the web, she believes it’s gonna be from blogs but she’s just started and she’s a bit overwhelmed with all the information and new things to learn to make it happen. She stumbled upon your blog and found it of great help. Thank you Caroline and I’ll keep reading your great posts.

Sushis last blog post..OUCH !!! I asked for it…

Give me a break.

I’ve struggled with panic attacks as well as depression. It’s horrible and takes over your life. And the thing is, you desperately want to ‘flip the switch’ and be normal and just be happy and you wonder why the hell you can’t do that. Been there. Done that. The one thing that started getting me to a point where I could work again is called EFT. It’s wierd, and hippy dippy, involves tapping pressure points on the body, and I can’t explain why it works, but it does. (I did it believing that when it didn’t work, I could finally tell my friend to stop nagging me to do it…and then found that despite the fact I believed it wouldn’t work, it did.) Free manual here: http://www.emofree.com/

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Caroline,

My heart goes out to you. One technique that helps me with anxiety at night is to say to myself “I am here in my bed”. Sounds lame, but it helps to arrest that spinning out of control feeling. Hope it helps.

Girrrrrl - get you a new cat!…..(for lots of reasons.) x

Caroline,

I’m more of a lurker here, and don’t visit often, but today I was kicking around in Bloglines and found this post.

The thing about emotions is that they demand to be felt. Telling yourself that sadness attracts sadness may be true, but until you actually deal with your grief you’ll probably keep on getting the same lessons. The whole point of life is to get the lessons to lessen (and, in so doing, to become happy).

There’s a reason some cultures have a period of mourning and deliberately go out and wail and ululate. It’s to get it all out. If you do dive into your work not only will you fail, it won’t solve the problem of letting your grief happen. What might work is to take some time off and just cry to your heart’s content and feel sorry for yourself and rant and stomp and whatever. (I find that walking helps, as it tires the body enough to sleep but allows time to think/feel/deal).

I am sorry you are going through this. Please take some time off for yourself. You’re not going to be any use to anybody, yourself included, if you just push forward and try to bury what you’re feeling. It will only spill up, out and over at some equally annoying and inconvenient time.

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Caroline

I’m really sorry you’re feeling so terrible and I know how crippling anxiety attacks can be. They literally wreck havoc on your psyhe, your body and then your life.

You’ve been given so much advice here so I’m not going to add to it except to say that you are allowed to feel bad when something devastating happens. Forget about making yourself pretend to be happy for Law of Attraction sake. Wallow and cry until there is nothing left.

Then when you feel like you just can’t cry anymore pick yourself up and decide to live in the present. Do your work, stay in the moment. Work on getting through this minute and don’t think ahead. Eventually life will move on and you’ll feel less dreadful. One day you’ll even feel great.

Breakups suck and can completely wipe us out, but remember:

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LOVE YOU.

And SOMEONE ELSE WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Hugs
Kelly

Kelly@SHE-POWERs last blog post..Our First SHE-POWER Man - Clay Collins from The Growing Life

Caroline- my thoughts are with you during your challenging times.

Be strong and learn to take time for you and find activities/inner peace that make you happy. If you are always searching for someone else or feel like you need someone else you are cheating yourself and your next partner. Be happy and proud of who are and all else will fall into place.

My heart goes out to you after hearing this sad story. Hang in there! Take care

Hello, it’s me again, I saw on twitter you ask the link for the Webcast with Eckart Tolle and Oprah, I sent you via twitter but don’t know if it went through. Here it goes again, just to make sure you get it:

http://www.oprah.com/obc_classic/webcast/archive/archive_watchnow.jsp

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Caroline,

While there are many comments on here with lots of advice, I’m not sure what I can offer that is different, but I can tell you as someone who has a lot of her own emotional difficulties taking place right now (different events, but emotional stress none the less), that throwing yourself into your work will not help heal you. You will end up burying all your feelings and thoughts and then one day when you don’t expect it they come back at you like you a slap in the face.

Taking time away to re-energize, refocus and figure out who you are as a person outside of work, outside of long-term relationships is a long journey of self-reflection.

The internet and the blogosphere will still be here when you’re ready and no one will think any less of you for taking the time to try and heal and come back stronger, mentally stronger and energized. Do what you need to do to get by.

If you feel like that’s watching mind-numbing hours of Jack Bauer torture people, that’s ok. Try to enjoy some sunshine though, a little vitamin D gives energy and long walks just might give you some of that additional thinking time needed that gets put aside when watching tv.

Take care of yourself first. That’s the most important part.

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hugs to you!

i don’t want to give any personal advice but i do have a question: what’s wrong with just letting yourself be miserable for a while?

i hope you’ll feel better … when the time is right.

Lexis last blog post..Does anybody really make money from “paid” surveys?

So sorry to hear you’re brokenhearted again! Remember, grief is not the same thing as being negative. Sometimes we’ve just gotta grieve.

It occurs to me that this kind of thing hits us harder as “IMers” because there’s no structure surrounding us. If I’m miserable at my day job, there’s enough infrastructure that I can stay moderately productive. But on my product creation & internet marketing, if I’m not at 100%, nothing moves ahead. Eventually I’ll have created things that can tick along without so much input (although I think that dream is greatly overstated by the IMers, there is also some important truth to it), but for now if I don’t do it, it doesn’t happen.

Glad to see in your most recent post that you’re seeing some light, but I hope you remember to let yourself feel crappy and miserable sometimes too. You’re not attracting bad stuff by feeling sad, you’re just being a well-rounded and vulnerable human being, which is a GOOD THING.

Sonia Simones last blog post..5 Recipes for Success (and 1 for Tomatoes)

This advice is quite late but usefull:
After I heard a Podcast “Entreprenurial Thought Leader” about CEO of experienceproject.com I went to the site to see whats ist all about.
The big think about this social network is, that it connects people with similar experiences. Try it out, maybe there will be some persons with that kind of experiences. wish you the best.

so sorry to hear this. but dun worry, when the worst ald past , what still need to scared rite…so wish u the best here…

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Hello Caroline, I’m sorry about that thing, but I think you have to learn how to live without depending on other person. You have to value yourself more than you are doing.

You are the most important person for yourself, because you can’t live without you. Take care of you and love yourself.

Regards …

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I said it last time and I’ll say it again:

“And wow, look at all these comments. It’s almost enough to give one faith in human nature again isn’t it. All these people with nothing to gain, taking the time to share the hurt with you and help lift you up. That doesn’t just happen by magic. That’s a measure of you and a reflection of how you’ve touched their lives :)”

But I’d like to offer an additional point of view too. Every time this pain happens there’s a lesson behind it. An lesson you can learn from or ignore. I suggest that the ‘rebound’ saved you the grief of the lesson. Maybe this is a lesson you NEED to learn if you’re going to find the more sustainable relationship you need.

Only you can tell what the lesson is, but I admit to having suspicions from your comments about ‘needing’ to be in a relationship. It’s the law of attraction all over again. That need is sending out vibes for miles around. I’m guessing you need to get comfortable with yourself before you’ll give out the vibes that will attract your true soul-mate. But that’s just my thoughts - what do you feel?

Read everyone’s comments again and think about what they’re saying about you as a person. I can’t see anyone here telling you you’re an arse. You’ve revealed enough of yourself over a period of months that we ‘get’ who you are inside. What would it take for you to believe in you like we do?

“You may see at one and the same time both your best friend and your greatest enemy, by stepping in front of a mirror”
(Napoleon Hill, Think and grow rich, Chpt 7: Organized Planning)

1. Dearly Beloved Caroline:
2. Greetings!
3. Caroline? Caroline? Caroline? How many times did I call you?
4. Just think about it, you need not answer. :-)
5. Okay, done with how they tell us something serious in our village.
6. So, what are we to say this time? I have read the post and all the comments and love to add a few…
7. Listen to what Dave Amphlett just said, read it over and over again then add this…
8. Where did you place the “INFINITE INTELLIGENCE”?
9. Did you read my article I shared with you the last time or you just brushed it aside as one of those time wasting ones?
10. Maybe this is the time for you to digest every word of it.
11. It is a very short one but it will blow you out of fear, stress and anxiety. It will help you overcome your worries and pain. It will help you do what you make it do for you.
12. Just four simple steps but enough to save “ANY” day whatsoever!
13. You need to believe in the power of the universe that reside on the inside of you — Not on the outside!
14. There is nothing outside you that make you! Not even someone you stayed with for 100 years! Sorry to tell you the truth but I will repeat just what I said the last time.
15. I read your post the very first day you let it out but I have decided not to say a word till now. As a matter of truth, this is one day old, I should have said it yesterday but decided to sleep over it one more day.
16. You went into a rebound. Way too quick. Sorry it happened again but the fact and truth and theory is this… You have so much inside of you that you need to bring out and then everything else you desire will be attracted to you! Very simple.
17. Stop looking outside of you for what you need, you have it all inside!
18. The power of the universe is within “YOU”!
19. Not outside?… INSIDE!
20. So, please, please and please again, read the article I shared you the last time one more time and then move on, as a matter of truth, you need to get back on deck ASAP and let all this be misery for someone else to deal with.
21. Feel the pain, then ignore it and move on like a soldier that is fighting for life. You cannot stand there and wait, your enemies will catch up with you and “destroy” what you built. Pick yourself up and swim; sink or swim.
22. Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.
- Lou Holtz
23. Any man can win when things go his way, it’s the man who overcomes adversity that is the true champion.
- Jock Ewing
24. Do it afraid.
25. You cannot factor out the “INFINITE INTELLIGENCE” like Napoleon Hill suggested and win the race of life. You need that understanding and that is what reside on the “INSIDE” of you. Use it to soar and you know what?
26. No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.
- William Blake
27. Know yourself and you will win all battles.
- Sun Tzu
28. The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Nelson Mandela
29. It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution.
- Alvin Toffler
30. The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for the rest of your life.
- Henry Moore
31. I am sure you do not love to be living for someone else and discover that you did not utilize even one (1) percent of the potential you carry, live for your purpose, not for other person’s purpose.
32. Well, you already know all these things and not to ramble on and on, The upside is your future is in your hands. And the downside is your future is in your hands.
- Russ Myers
33. Remember you will not always win. Some days, the most resourceful individual will taste defeat. But there is, in this case, always tomorrow - after you have done your best to achieve success today.
- Maxwell Maltz
34. Success is not measured by what you accomplish but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.
- Orison Swett Marden
35. Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action.
- Orison Swett Marden
36. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain
37. He knows not his own strength that hath not met adversity.
- Cesare Pavese
38. So, not to downpour hundreds of motivating and inspiring quotes in one go, you get the idea.
39. Hope this helps and see you back to active work again soon!
40. Remain blessed and a blessing and we will communicate again soon if God is willing!
41. Regards,
42. Olakunle Solomon Fatoye.

It’s easy to grin, when your ship comes in, and you’ve got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat.
Judge Smails (Caddyshack)
;)

Wow…I think it’s amazing that you share such personal details..it provides an amazing insight to how people think…sorry that it has to come at your expense…I don’t know what else to say accept good luck getting through it..

Dear Caroline,
I am so sorry to hear about your pain - my heart goes out to you.
I have always admired your frank honesty and integrity that shines from within the words of your marketing posts and your willingness to share your heartache as well only makes me admire your courage even more.
Although it has been a long time since I have experienced for myself what you are going through my heart still remembers what it’s like to be in that space.
I can offer little comfort to you except these words:
1. You are loved (ask any 30DCer)
2. You are stronger than you think you are (this is true of all of us)
3. This too will pass (something I remind myself every time I find myself in the pit of despair)
Sending you love and positive thoughts,
Dee

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Dear Caroline, don’t worry and care so much. Life’s like this. We all go through this ‘process of solifdification’. That’s it. Love.

Okay, I just read some stuff about your situation. I’d like to say TAKE A YEAR away from any other women. Why? 10 years is a lot to throw away. No one can heal in just a little 5 weeks, your not superwoman. So, take some time for yourself. Stop looking and start healing.

Caroline,

I haven’t read all of the posts here, so someone may have suggested it already, but if you haven’t tried EFT (emofree.com) you should give it a shot.

There is tons of free information on the site, and you can learn everything you need to know right there. This is something that has helped me in so many ways, and I believe it will help you too if you’ll try it.

Good luck to you,
Jo Ann

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BTW, Caroline,

I love your blog, and I hope you get back to your “old” self soon. I really look forward to your unique, personalized way of teaching things that are actually useful to those of us who haven’t been around this stuff forever.

Take some time off for yourself, try EFT, and feel better soon!

Jo Ann

Jo Anns last blog post..Design Your Own Website With SBI!

Hi Caroline -

I’m so sorry. I remember the last time and I felt so bad for you then. This is doubly hard.

Everyone before me has given you some wonderful thoughts, there really isn’t much for me to add.

Just take one day, one moment at a time. I also suggest getting a copy of Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth (or re-reading it if you already have it). There’s lots of wisdom in there about letting things go and about what Eckhart calls the pain body. Perhaps it will be helpful for you.

Lean on your friends and family, don’t be afraid to ask for support. You deserve it! Of course, we’re all here for you, too. ;-)

I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

~ Annie

“I’m one of those people who feels the need to be in a relationship. Nothing else in life seems important when that part of my life isn’t in place.” That sound s just like me exactly, damn! I had the same experience and i know how shit it felt, I hope you feel better now and find a true partner soon. Our brain ain’t capable of thinkng two things at the same time unlike a multitasking os, so Keep yourself busy, it helps.

best of luck
joe